


Boyfriend-Material?

by lee_0524



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:53:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 35,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27613073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lee_0524/pseuds/lee_0524
Summary: @peetaspikelets for Prompt 67: Peeta can’t help but be a bit of a player when it comes to girls and struggles hanging on to a girlfriend. He goes to his best friend Katniss for advice, not knowing she’s harbored a crush on him for years.
Relationships: Katniss Everdeen/Gale Hawthorne, Katniss Everdeen/Peeta Mellark, Peeta Mellark/Madge Undersee, Peeta Mellark/Other(s)
Comments: 50
Kudos: 86
Collections: Everlark Fic Exchange - Springtime 2018





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So..........I am back with this story. This is a rewrite of my fic Boyfriend Material. I wanted to rewrite it because I was getting constricted with the timeline and I felt there was a lot more to the story.
> 
> I would like to thank my beta Shannon for the ideas and sticking with me for the last couple of years.
> 
> Yeah, I'm just going to be honest, ya'll aren't going to like Peeta the first couple of chapters. I mean you will dislike him even more for this rewrite. I'm sorry but I've been thinking on this for two years and I feel it has to be done and you'll learn why. This is going to be a slow burn.
> 
> I hope everyone is staying healthy and safe with their sanity intact.
> 
> I'm working on the second chapter so hopefully another post next week some time.

September 2020 – 28 years old

I absolutely despise District 12 High School’s Open House night. You would think after five years, it would get easier but there is always something some parent isn’t pleased with in my curriculum.

“I understand your frustration Mrs. Stewart but you did sign the syllabus,” I state matter-of-factly.

“I most certainly did not,” the petite, cold-faced woman responds. She kind of looks like Angela Martin from The Office and the fact that she is bitching about The Kite Runner being assigned reading in my junior novel class is just bonus. I make a mental note to tell Katniss about it later tonight when this evening of my personal hell is over.

I take a deep breath picking up my bag and finding the file for Novel and pull out the syllabus “signed” by her. Certainly not the first time a student forged their parents’ signature.

“MR. ABERNATHY!” she shouts while zeroing in on Haymitch, our school principal. He rolls his eyes as he comes walking over.

“What’s the problem?” he barks staring at me with a pointed look.

“Do you know what this young man is teaching to my sweet, innocent, Christian daughter?”

“Which class, Peeta?”

“Novel,” I respond.

“Which one are you upset about, Kite Runner, Catch-22, or Cuckoo’s Nest?”

“We’re doing The Kite Runner unit right now,” I chime.

“You are allowing him to teach these monstrosities?” Mrs. Stewart shrieks, her green eyes bulging.

Haymitch uses the heels of his hand to rub his eyes while sighing, “Let me guess, your daughter went to St. Peter’s?”

St. Peters was the Catholic school in town run by Father Snow. He was arrested for an assortment of crimes last year including embezzlement, tax fraud, and insider trading that led to its’ downfall. District 12 received quite a few of the students who attended there, including Chastity.

“Yes, sir and this kind of curriculum would never be taught there.”

“Ma’am you are aware that this is a public school and Mr. Mellark’s lesson plans are approved by me and the school board? His Novel class is also one of the English courses we encourage students to take if college-bound.”

“He’s claiming I signed off on this, I did no such thing.”

While she is tearing Haymitch’s head off, I pull out the signed document in question.

“That’s not my signature. This isn’t possible. Did you forge my signature?” she growls while sticking her finger in my face.

“I’m guessing that is probably Charity’s doing,” Haymitch grumbles.

“Chastity.”

“There is also an e-signature here from a week ago, Mr. Abernathy.”

Before she can open her mouth again, Haymitch guides her over to Ms. Wiress, our best computer-science teacher. She’ll be able to tell her exactly the date and time the document was accessed and the IP.

It’s always something. Every year whether it is the Holocaust-denier who stormed in telling me to stop touting Night by Elie Wiesel as non-fiction, the grandmother who said her grandson was too fragile and couldn’t handle the death of Piggy in Lord of the Flies, and of course we can’t forget my favorite. One girl was caught reading Fifty Shades of Grey and told her mom that I had assigned it and her mom brought it up at the school board meeting.

Haymitch walks over to tell me as of tomorrow, Chastity will no longer be in my Novel class.

“How much more of this bullshit night is left?”

I look at the clock. “Twenty minutes.”

“I need a drink.”

“How is that any different to what you “need” most times?” I retort sarcastically.

“Boy, I will put my foot up your ass.”

“I don’t think Katniss would like that.”

“Aren’t you precious using sweetheart against me.” While Haymitch is rough around the edges, I know what his soft spots are. The biggest are his Godchildren, Katniss and Primrose, the former being my best friend and the latter like my little sister.

“How is she?” he questions.

I already know what he is referring to. I unexpectedly stopped by her apartment earlier this week, offering to cook her dinner when I found her schedule and flight details to Baltimore for the horticultural conference. “Well, she didn’t even tell me about it until I found the itinerary on her table two days ago.”

“Does she ever?”

“Nope. I’m going to stop by after this. Make sure she gets some food in her. She doesn’t know.” If she did know, she would scold me like she did the last time. It’s the same song-and-dance routine for us every time she travels by plane.

“Good, the food will help.” He slaps my shoulder and proceeds to walk away towards Ms. Wiress.

“You would know,” I smirk. I wouldn’t necessarily label Haymitch a functioning alcoholic. He’s never let it interfere with work or his obligations to the girls, but he does like to indulge. We all give him grief, and he knows deep down it is all in good fun, but he doesn’t take it sitting down.

He halts. “Boy, I swear to—”

“Mr. Abernathy, I need you over here,” Mrs. Donaldson, our health teacher beckons.

Haymitch takes a deep breath in before heading over to her table, no doubt to deal with a parent concerned about the sex-ed unit that is coming up.

Things are starting to wind-down and I begin to slowly pack up. I don’t want to look too eager to get out of here.

“Peeta?” Delly Cartwright, our oral communications and senior speech teacher says sweetly.

“Yes, Dells.” I reply voice smooth as silk.

“Doesn’t work on me,” she says as she ruffles my hair. I move my head out of the way patting my hair back into place.

“Nor does your sugar-laced voice work on me.” We both laugh. Delly is one of my good friends. The best way to describe her is sweet. Everything about her invites you in. Her curly blonde hair, bright blue eyes, pearly-white smile. My pig of a brother, Rye, is personally a fan of her large breasts. The finest thing about her though is her sincerity. Delly is always standing by with compliments and optimism. Her infectiously happy personality even works on Katniss.

“Can I get a ride? If not, I can Uber.”

“Um, sure,” I hesitate.

“It’s okay to say no to me Peeta.”

“No, it’s fine.” I don’t tell her that I’m checking on Katniss since she went to school with her and knows exactly why I feel protective this evening. She was on that flight too all those years ago.

“You’re the best work-husband,” she exclaims, reaching down to give me a side-hug.

“Yeah, yeah. Start packing your stuff up, work-wife.”

After dropping off Delly, I make my way up the stairs to my third-floor apartment. I can hear noise at the end of the hall. It gets louder the closer I get to Katniss’s apartment. I unlock my apartment across the hall and put my messenger bag on the table. I decide to change out of my school attire and loosen my tie as I head down the hall. I stop in the bathroom to take some ibuprofen for my leg and change into a t-shirt and sweatpants. I stroll to the kitchen and grab the bottle of Wild Turkey and cringe. I hate the stuff, but Katniss likes it. It was what she would steal from Haymitch’s liquor cabinet years ago.

I head across the hall to Katniss’s apartment, unlocking the door with the key she gave me all those years ago.

“Katniss,” I call out.

Nothing. Her living room is empty, but I hear the music coming from the bedroom. I make my way down the hallway nearly tripping over Buttercup, Prim’s ugly cat. Normally, I wouldn’t head back here because she is still mortified from the time I walked in on her in her underwear. But the door isn’t shut. If it were, I would knock but I move further in as King of Leon’s “Sex on Fire” blares out of her Bluetooth speaker. The sight before me causes me to stop dead in my tracks. Katniss, my introverted best friend, is dancing to the beat in a faded red t-shirt that clings in all the right places and dark grey, cotton boy shorts. The fuzzy orange socks I got her for Christmas complete her ensemble…. or lack thereof. I’m fairly sure there is no bra under that shirt as well. My body freezes, words failing to come out of my mouth. I really shouldn’t stare. I should back away, make myself known but all I can do is stay glued to my spot. Her hair is damp and loose from its normal braid. Her dark waves are more pronounced since she is letting her hair air dry. The back of her shirt is slightly damp and the scars on the left side of her neck, arm, and thigh are glistening creating an illusion of light flickering as she dances. She is ripping clothes off the hanger and throwing them on her bed blindly. Her movements are beautiful and fluid from her years of volleyball and dancing.

I begin feeling like a creep, so I move to turn off the speaker until I see her bend down to grab a pair of heels. With her flexibility she doesn’t need to crouch, and her tight, round ass is on display. Fuck she is flexible. With her bent over, I can make out the swells of her ass. Don’t even get me started on her toned legs. Her skin is a rich-olive, like a cup of coffee with creamer mixed in. I’ve tried sketching and painting the beauty before me, but I can never quite capture it. Her skin looks so smooth apart from her burn scars that continue down to her calf. She is so self-conscious, but she is magnificent. I may be her best friend but I’m not blind. I’ve grown hard more times than I care to admit to thoughts of her.

This moment, right here, surpasses all my fantasies.

Katniss slowly creeps up, the heel of each hand running up her legs as she straightens. She whips her head back into place before pushing the hair out of her face.

I groan and quickly cover it with a cough.

“Jesus Christ!” Katniss screams and I realize that I’ve given myself away.

I barely have time before she moves to grab the baseball bat in her closet. She’s obviously mistaken me for an intruder. I stupidly grab her from behind and she smacks me in the head with a shoe before elbowing me in the ribs.

“OUCH. Katniss, it’s me,” I shout.

She tenses and then relaxes, leaning into me. My hands are splayed across her stomach, my thumb caressing smooth skin.

“Damn it, Peeta. You scared me.” Her chest is heaving heavily, her damp head leaned back. I press my lips to the crown of her head.

“You’re okay. I’m so sorry. Are your huntress ears defective today?” I tease. She turns around while I loosen my grasp and looks up at me before shoving me backwards into her dresser.

“Hey!” I accidentally knock a photo of Katniss and I at the lake over. She lunges forward, catching it with her cat-like reflexes.

“What the hell were you doing? Why didn’t you say anything? How long were you there?” she interrogates while turning the music off.

“When the song started,” I bashfully answer.

She runs her hands over her face, “I thought you were supposed to be with Miss Perfect Ass and Tits tonight.”

“Katniss, after what I just had the privilege of witnessing, I am with Miss Perfect Ass and Tits,” I laugh.

She blushes furiously muttering something about “as if” and “compare.” I’m about to ask her what she said when she rolls her eyes. “Can’t a girl get some damn privacy?”

“But my view is so nice,” I whine.

She scowls and narrows her eyes at me. I lift my hands in surrender. “Fine, I’ll go to the kitchen. How many drinks are you in now?”

Her scowl deepens. I’d guess three. “Have you eaten?”

“No,” she murmurs.

“Sae’s?”

“I suppose.”

“Great, I’ll get Canadian Bacon with extra pineapple.” I pull out my phone and she surges towards me reaching for the device. At 5’11 I have a good 7 inches on her and lift the phone, her reaching for it. I use this advantage to wrap my arm around her (yep, definitely no bra), and tickle her.

“Stop, Peeta,” she shrieks.

“But we are having so much fun,” I respond.

While making a “humph” sound, she stomps on my foot. “Ouch, jeez you are feisty tonight.”

“Yes, I am! Now get out and order something that is not an abomination to mankind.”

I make the call and order Katniss’s favorite, barbeque chicken and inspect the empty bottles on the counter. I was right, three beers. Katniss emerges from her room, a sports bra under the shirt judging by the outline and surprisingly short black shorts with llamas wearing sunglasses. The scars on her leg are visible. Huh.

“Gift from Prim?” I gesture.

She looks down, “I showered and am getting drunk. I’m warm.”

“You look adorable.”

“Shut up. Not that I’m not happy to see you but what are you doing here?”

“Is there someplace else I should be?”

“I knew you had parent-teacher conferences and I figured you’d be going to Glimmer’s after. You don’t need your best friend cock-blocking you.”

I lightly grab her chin and pull her face up towards me. “Taking care of you is more important than any sex session.”

“I don’t need you to take care of me, Peeta…. sex session?”

“After those three hours with parent’s, I can barely think.”

She heads to the kitchen and hands me a Spotted Cow from the fridge. I smile, staring at the label with reminders of the day I first met her.

_Flashback- 22 years old_

_It’s a muggy evening in Panem, Wisconsin. It’s a far cry from Chicago and surrounding Northwestern University where I studied in education. After dating Madge for four years at college, I knew she was the one which was why I was willing to do anything after she said she would marry me including moving here. I like Panem, it’s not nearly as large as Chicago but big enough with a small city feel. They also have a fantastic university where I am enrolling for my master’s and my fiancé working under her father as a political consultant. Madge is so excited to be back home and “show me off.” We’ve made plans to meet at the Hob, one of the bars downtown after I met with the new principal at the school I was going to be working at. My final interview was interesting. I’m still surprised I was offered a position. I thought the principal, a gruff man by the name of Haymitch Abernathy despised me. We are meeting up with her best friend from high school, Katniss. I know what Katniss looks like from all the high school photos Madge has shown me. I figure she knows what I look like as well but Madge said she wasn’t very active on social media, something about an accident that happened her senior year of high school which was also one of the reasons she didn’t have any updated photos._

_I arrive at the bar and Madge messaged me letting me know that she was on her way. I look around and immediately spot a girl with her hair in a braid with rich, olive skin. She’s wearing a green t-shirt and jeans with a brown scarf wrapped around her neck. Isn’t she warm? It’s stifling outside. I smile as I approach._

_“Excuse me,” I start._

_She doesn’t even glance up from her hardcover book. So, she is a purist like me, shying away from e-books. This thrills me as an English teacher._

_“What are you drinking?” It looks like her beer is running low._

_“Nothing,” she replies, not even casting a glance my way._

_“Well, that doesn’t look like nothing. What’ll it be? IPA, lager?” I bend down to take a closer look at the logo. “Spotted Cow. Huh, that sounds interesting.”_

_“Must not be from Wisconsin then cutie,” a waitress chimes in walking past with a tray full of drinks._

_“Nope.” Katniss rolls her eyes and looks up at me with a huff._

_I thought she was pretty from the pictures Madge showed me, but she looked young and…. Awkward, like she was trying to disappear into the background. This girl is a woman now and she has the most striking mercury eyes, stunning me momentarily. When I break out of my trance I smile. Even scowling, she is gorgeous. I wonder how breathtaking she looks when smiling._

_“Come on, sweetheart. Let me buy you a drink.”_

_“Don’t call me, sweetheart,” she affirmed._

_“But sweetheart suits that adorable scowl of yours,” I say, tugging on her braid._

_She gives me a onceover, reaches for the remaining part of her beer, and stands close in front of me. I smirk and so does she. I was right, breathtaking. I want to make her smile more. It improves her looks a lot…. not that she needs improving. I’m so enamored, I don’t even realize her raised arm until the chilled, amber liquid is poured over my head._

_“Katniss,” Madge shrieks from the crowd._

_Katniss turns towards Madge. “Let’s get out of here, away from the creeps.”_

_“This creep is my fiancé,” Madge states flabbergasted._

_“What?” Katniss askes dumbfounded. Her mercury eyes widen._

_“This is Peeta,” Madge emphasizes._

_“Hi,” I add._

_“Oh, shit. I’m so sorry.” She reaches for napkins and starts to dry my face. As she is doing that, she pokes me in the eye causing me to yelp. “Oh, my god. I’m just going to walk away.”_

_I squint at her and start laughing. She looks mortified until Madge starts laughing as well. She slowly joins in and we are all laughing until we have tears in our eyes. Drenched with alcohol, we decide to head to back to our apartment. I shower, and Katniss has a Spotted Cow waiting while she continues to apologize._

_“Welcome to Wisconsin I guess!”_

_The next two hours pass quickly. “So, you are going to teach at District 12 high?” she questions._

_“Yeah…. I guess?”_

_“What do you mean you guess?”_

_“I’m pretty sure the principal hates me.”_

_Madge and Katniss exchange a look and burst into a fit of giggles._

_“I’m so confused,” I state._

_“Haymitch Abernathy is Katniss’s Godfather.”_

_“Oh, I’m sorry,” I reply embarrassed._

_“He hates everybody!” Katniss heaves trying to catch her breath._

_As we are all calming down, the intercom buzzes. Katniss checks her phone. “Shit, it’s Gale.”_

_Madge rushes to the intercom stumbling over a pair of shoes. She is laughing manically as she buzzes him inside. Within a couple of minutes, we hear a knock on the door. Madge opens the door and shrieks before hugging someone. The man, who looks like he could be Katniss’s cousin looks puzzled, but Katniss just starts laughing._

_“Gale Hawthorne?” Madge questions. “I haven’t seen you in years. Look at you.” She pulls him in to the apartment. “Look at that ass!” I bust out laughing._

_“Your drunk baby,” I gasp._

_“My state is ashamed,” she chortles._

_“Hi, Princess,” he gruffly responds. Madge is cranky at his endearment. He looks to Katniss who is removing her scarf to adjust it. It’s then that I notice some discoloration on her neck. I’m assuming it was burns from the plane crash Madge told me about. She catches me staring and immediately covers up._

_“Ready to go, Catnip?” he asks._

_“Oh, come on, join us,” Madge begs._

_“Some of us have to work early in the morning, Princess.” Madge rolls her eyes._

_“Yeah, I have to be up early too.” She stands up and hugs Madge and before turning to me, “I’m sorry I poured a drink over your head,” she says sheepishly._

_“I deserved it,” I reply._

_“Yeah, you kind of did,” she laughs._

_Gale clears his throat. She looks at Gale before looking back at me “Nice meeting you, Peeta.”_

_“You too, Katniss. We’ll have to hang out again.”_

_“Definitely,” she smiles._

_“Oh, you two are going to best friends too,” Madge chimes. “Gale, we should be besties!”_

_Gale huffs and pulls Katniss by the hand out the door._

I gesture to the bottle of Wild Turkey. She opens a cupboard to reach for some shot glasses.

“You’re pulling the glasses out for me? I feel so special and classy now.”

“Doesn’t Glitter make you feel that way?”

“It’s Glimmer,” I correct. Katniss rolls her eyes and sighs. I don’t even know why I’m bothering to correct her anymore. “No talking about her until I’m 4 shots in.”

Ugh, Glimmer. Why’d she have to mention her?

_3 days ago_

_“Oh, fuck yes. Right there,” the gorgeous blonde under me cries._

_I continue to circle my fingers on her clit as I pound into her from behind. Her walls flutter around me as her orgasm subsides. Three more thrusts and I am done, spent, and exhausted. I slide out of her and get off the bed to throw the condom in the trash. Glimmer’s ass is still in the air and she’s breathing heavily._

_“That good?” I smirk._

_“Mmmmhmm,” she muffles into the pillow._

_She slowly slides down the bed and turns over. Despite what we just did, she still looks put together. She’s always put together, always perfect. I lean over her and begin kissing her. Maybe she’ll be up for another round. She responds eagerly with her tongue and we spend a few minutes like that. I slowly creep my hand down to her center when she stops me._

_“I’m tired. You should head home,” she says._

_“I bet I can change your mind.” I kiss a trail down her neck._

_“I have to get up early,” she giggles as she pushes me off her._

_“What do you have planned?” I try to kiss her again, but she pushes my chest back as I pout._

_“My family is visiting, and they are going to be here early.”_

_“Your family from Wyoming?”_

_She looks at me with confusion. “I’m surprised you remember that.”_

_I cock my head at her and question, “Why wouldn’t I?”_

_She pauses. Glimmer looks like she’s going to tell me one thing but ducks her head and says, “Anyway, their flight gets in at 7 a.m. and they are stopping here right after.”_

_“Okay,” I concede. “How about I come by after they are gone for the night in their hotel?”_

_“I can tell what you’re thinking with,” she smirks._

_“Glimmer, if you let me come by then I’ll let you come, too,” I state while wiggling my eyebrows._

_“Jesus, Peeta. For real, time to go.”_

_I begrudgingly get up and start dressing. She pulls on her lacy pink panties and matching tank. Of course, she matches._

_“How bout I stop by in the afternoon?”_

_“My family will be here,” she states. She looks at me like I have two heads._

_I chuckle, “I know.”_

_Her eyebrows furrow together. “You want to meet my family?”_

_“Yeah. I’ll make some coffee cake or something and we can enjoy high tea or whatever shit it is you guys do.”_

_“We don’t have high tea and you know I don’t eat that shit and neither do my mom or sister. Have to look fit for the photo ops.”_

_Glimmer is the daughter of a well-known Congressman in Wyoming. Extraordinarily rich, very conservative, and incredibly attractive to the public. Who knows what made her move to one of the most liberal places in the country, I know I’ve never asked. I think that’s one of the reasons she’s always so put together. Never a hair out of place, face full of makeup, and always high heels. It was instant attraction when I saw her at The Capital, a popular dance club I frequent._

_“Well, how about we grab something to eat at that weird vegan restaurant?” I’m throwing my shirt back on when she stands up and grabs her hoodie. She is turned around and doesn’t answer me. “Glim?”_

_She faces me and sighs. Glimmer looks like she is pondering something and then speaks, “Look, Peeta. I don’t think you meeting my family is the best idea.”_

_“What? Why?”_

_“You know how my family is? How my father is? They know I’m single.”_

_“But you’re not. We’ve been dating for the last four months.”_

_“Dating, Peeta? Come on, we’ve been hooking up the last four months, having fun.” She’s staring at me as if I’m a dumbass._

_“We do more than just hook up and you’ve met my family.”_

_“Getting drunk at the club with Rye isn’t really meeting your family.”_

_I look at her and she senses my confusion. “Come on, Peeta. I have fun, you have fun.” She smiles that sexy smile to get what she wants as she reaches for my hand. I pull back._

_“Exactly we have fun, so why am I thinking this is a break-up?”_

_“It’s not a break-up because there was never anything to break-up. Peeta, you’re just not boyfriend-material. Look, they’ll be gone in a week and then we can get back to what we do best. Each other.”_

_Now, I’m pissed. Not boyfriend material? What the fuck? We go out on dates. We go to the club, go to trendy restaurants. Meeting Rye was a big fucking deal. I don’t introduce any girls to any family members, well, I did with Katniss but that’s different. “I don’t think so.”_

_“Peeta,” she starts._

_“No, I think it’s time you have your own fun with someone who is “boyfriend-material,” I respond using air quotes. She’s sexy, fun, and a great lay but I am PISSED. I rush out and slam the apartment door before I flee down the steps. I get to my car and begin the drive home. What the fuck does she mean by me not being boyfriend material? Yeah, we don’t go out too often but that’s because we are so eager to rip each other’s clothes off all the time. Fuck her. She can find someone who is “boyfriend-material” that will make her come three times in just one night with their mouth._

I’m interrupted from my thoughts by the melodic laughter coming out of Katniss’s mouth.

“Save Bandit,” she quotes as she picks up Prim’s cat Buttercup and raises it in the air. She hates that cat, but Prim can’t have her in her apartment that she shares with three other people. Buttercup snarls at her and runs off after Katniss sets him down.

I laugh but Glimmer’s stupid words come back. “Katniss, am I boyfriend-material?” I slur. She raises her eyebrows at me and pauses mid-chew. She continues chewing and looks away. I don’t like how she’s looking away.

“Katniss?”

“What’s brought this on?” she murmurs.

“Something Glimmer said.” She nods, urging me to go on. “She wanted me gone because her family is coming to see her. I asked if I could stop by and she said that it wouldn’t be good because her family thinks she’s single.”

“She is single though…. technically. I mean, you never made anything official right?” She looks confused. The alcohol is getting to her.

“Well, nooooo but I thought spending 3 nights together a week IMPLIED that we were a little more to each other than a casual hook-up.”

“Okay. What happened next?”

“She said that we were just hooking up and having fun and that getting drunk with Rye at the club doesn’t count as meeting family and that I’m not boyfriend-material. What the fuck does that even mean?”

“Well….”

“Oh, come on Katniss. You know I don’t introduce chicks to the family, not since Madge.”

She shifts on the couch. “Does she know what happened with Madge?”

I scoff. “I don’t really go around broadcasting that. Do you tell all your boyfriends about Gale? Oh, wait. You don’t date.” Even though I’m drunk I know that was a low blow. She got screwed over too when we walked in on them.

“Really, Peeta?” She stands up slightly off balance. “Has it occurred to you that I just don’t tell you everything. I don’t think you need to hear about all my conquests.” Katniss is getting feisty. She doesn’t have conquests, does she? She’s so pure. Feelings of jealousy envelope me.

“Conquests? I highly doubt you have casual sex, Katniss. For God’s sake, look at how embarrassed you were when you found me in your bedroom. You rushed me out to put on a bra and shorts. There was also the time I saw you in your underwear and you refused to come out while I was still here. And didn’t you date Gale for three years before you even had sex with him?” Katniss’s eyes bulge. Oh shit, the words are out before I can stop them.

“I told you that in confidence, not so you could throw it back at me. And how do you know I put on a bra?”

“I can see the outline right now!” She looks mortified and crosses her arms in front of her. Her cheeks are red and not just from the whiskey. I take a deep breath and rub my face. “I’m so sorry Katniss. I’m kind of buzzed, I’m upset- “

“NO,” she yells taking me aback. “Shut up! You’re not buzzed, you’re drunk. And you know what, so am I and I probably shouldn’t say what I’m going to but fuck, Peeta. For the last three years I have watched you parade big breasted blondes into your room, fuck them, and break things off within 3 months. I’m shocked that Glitter or Sparkle or- “

“Glimmer,” I remind her.

“Fuck off, Peeta. I’m surprised Glimmer has lasted as long as she has and to hear that she kicked YOU to the curb? I never would have guessed.” She stands up and leans down towards me, her face not that far from mine. “I’m fine with the fact that people have casual sex. It’s just not my thing and I don’t ever mention it to you so how DARE you judge me for it.”

My head feels heavy “Wait. Slow down – “

“No, do not interrupt me, Peeta.” She starts pointing her finger. Drunk or not, she is pissed. “I am petrified of guys seeing my body. That’s why I don’t go around fucking anything that walks. Excuse me for wanting something to be real before I take that step. You on the other hand…. You don’t let anyone in. I know how devastated you were after what happened with Madge, but it’s been a long time and the longest relationship you have had has been what, 5 months?” It’s four if you count Glimmer but I’m not chiming in again. “So, are you boyfriend material? No, I don’t think your actions give off that kind of vibe.”

Her face is so close to me. I look at her lips as she wets them. I stand so that she is now looking up at me. We’re so close. “What kind of vibe am I giving off then?” I whisper. She looks me right in the eye. “The kind that you’re looking for someone to have fun with. The kind that you don’t let get too close.”

I square my shoulders. Screw this. “Well, maybe you have no idea what kind of person I am.” I move around her. “Can we just be done with this conversation- “

“You’re scared,” she interrupts. “You’re scared of letting someone in and they will do what Madge did to you. I was there, Peeta. I saw the look on your face when you saw them together.”

“And what did my face say?” I question.

It’s as if Katniss sobers up in that moment. “That your whole world betrayed you. That the person you loved most in the world didn’t have enough respect to just end it. The look of someone who had given a girl everything and watched as she threw it all away for some other guy.”

I immediately sober at her statement. “Well excuse me for actually being upset and angry. You only showed emotion that ONE NIGHT at the hotel. Afterwards, it’s like you didn’t even care that the guy you had been with for five years was fucking your engaged best friend. You didn’t really react the way someone would. I’ve wondered if you really cared about him at all.” She opens her mouth, “No, we can’t all be fucking robots, Katniss. Excuse me for being hurt and having feelings.” She turns around. “What Katniss, does the truth hurt?” I hear a sniffle. Wait, what? Is she crying? I’ve only seen Katniss cry a handful of times over the years. I reach out to touch her and my voice softens, “Katniss?”

She keeps her back turned, takes a deep breath and calmly says, “I know who you are Peeta. You’re a painter, and a baker, and a teacher. You write the most beautiful letters, watch trashy shows with Prim, give thoughtful gifts, and calm Buttercup down. You always double knot your shoelaces and sleep with the window open and never take sugar in your tea. You’re kind and decent and when you love, you love with your whole heart. You’re also my best friend. You think I was happy when that happened? Of course not. But I didn’t love Gale the way that you loved Madge. I have loved-do love- that way, but it wasn’t Gale. I loved and am still in love with someone else. As to not knowing how you feel? I know how you feel. I know how it feels to long for someone who just doesn’t see you that way. How it feels to be rejected over and over and over because I see it—feel it on a normal basis.”

What? Katniss Everdeen is in love with someone. How do I not know this? Who is it? Why does it feel like I’ve been kicked in the stomach?

“Every few months you bring in someone new for you to fuck,” she continues. “Those appreciative stares that you give other girls…… I wish just once you could look at me that way.”

Look at her what way? She always gets mad when she catches me staring.

“Guys don’t look at me that way, Peeta.” Oh, but they do Katniss. Again, no clue about the effect she has.

“They never have, and they never will, not with my scars. I don’t want them to see these scars, to see me. There’s only one person I would allow to see me like that. I do know how it feels for someone to reject my love, because you do it every day. And every time I see you, I’m reminded of how much pussy you’re getting. Girls are always coming out of your apartment, giggling like stupid schoolgirls. When you hug me, I can smell them and their stupid Chanel No. whatever the fuck it is. You’re always talking about it on the phone with Rye in the hallway when you’re trashed. For Christ’s sake, you can hear it from my living room! And all of it hurts so much, but I keep it inside, because I’m a coward and don’t want you to know how I feel. Well here it is Peeta, I love you. I’ve loved you for a long time. I loved you even when I was with Gale. You know we argued about you once. He said I never smiled that way at him. I deserved what happened to me. I checked out of that relationship emotionally long before that night. Both Gale and I knew it. And that’s fine that you don’t love me. That’s ridiculous of me to be mad that you don’t see me that way. Why would you? I’m plain, I don’t have big boobs, I don’t wear makeup or put much thought into my hair. I’m covered in scars. Who could possibly want that?”

Me…. The daunting thought renders me speechless. It would be a lie if I said I never thought about what it would be like to take our relationship to the next level. I’ve always squashed them quickly though because I never thought she would reciprocate…. I’ve never wanted her to. She’s always deserved the best and I’ve always believed that I’m not it. Katniss Everdeen is in love with me? When the fuck did this happen? She fought with Gale about me? Why am I not saying anything? I’m standing here like a moron. Say something you idiot.

“Well?” When I say nothing, she turns around. There are unshed tears in her eyes and I’m heartbroken. Heartbroken to hear about all her insecurities and how she thinks I don’t see her. I do see her. I always have. I’m so overwhelmed with this new information. “It’s a first,” she says quietly. “Peeta Mellark is speechless.”

She grabs my arm and leads me out the door.

“What about tomorrow? Your flight?” Oh my god, Peeta, get a grip.

“Yeah, the flight isn’t what’s troubling me anymore,” she says before shutting the door.

It’s as if I’m on autopilot. I head back to my apartment and lay on my bed. What the fuck just happened? Katniss Everdeen loves me? No-not just loves, but is IN love with me? I didn’t even respond. What is wrong with me? And what the hell am I going to do about it?

She’s mad and upset. I don’t want to burden her but tomorrow, we are going to talk after she settles at her hotel. I’m going to fix this. The alternative is losing Katniss and I’m not about to ruin the most important relationship in my life. Losing her will never be an option.


	2. Chapter 2

I wake up the next morning with a pounding headache that has nothing to do with being hungover. After falling into bed, I was awake for hours pondering the evening events and reliving our conversation. I was so caught off-guard. I racked my brain trying to find any hint there was something more in the thousands of memories with Katniss embedded in my brain.

Maybe, deep down I’ve known for a while that there was more to my relationship with Katniss. I’ve loved Katniss since I was 22, not necessarily romantic or only as a friend, but she has always had a piece of me that no one else has. The love I have for Katniss is unique. I’ve never allowed myself to entertain the possibility that Katniss would fall in love with me….and my guarded self never dared entertain those feelings for her.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath before getting up. I decide to take a hot shower to try to relax myself. The water pours down on me as I lean my head against the wall. What the hell am I going to do? I don’t know how to confront her, to confront my feelings. I could live a hundred lifetimes and never deserve her. The only thing I feel is that I will ruin any relationship…. I will ruin her.

After getting dressed and discovering that I am out of tea packets, I decide the fresh air will give me some clarity and walk to mine and Katniss’s favorite café and bookstore. I am immediately drawn to Venia, one of the baristas and her new bright blue hair.

“Peeta,” she exclaims. “What are you doing here? Is school out?”

“Yeah, open house was last night,” I reply. “You went with the blue instead of the green I see.”

“Yeah, Katniss was right about it bringing out my eyes. Is she joining you today?”

My stomach drops at the mention of her name. “No, she’s at a conference. She should be back Monday.”

“Large black tea, no sugar?”

“Yes, please.”

Venia tilts her head, “Are you okay?”

Nope. “I’m fine, just a rough night.” I give her a small smile.

After a minute she hands me my drink. I decide to head out as I can’t bear looking at our usual spot. That’s where Katniss and my story truly began.

_Flashback, 2014, 22 years old_

_I approach the aged, comfy armchair and not even looking up from her book, Katniss questions, “What do you want, Peeta?”_

_“How did you know it was me?” I laugh._

_“You walk like an elephant.”_

_“Are you saying I’m fat?” I gasp._

_She looks up, rolls her eyes, and scowls. “You have a loud gait and you’ve come in here enough for me to know.” I’ve bumped into Katniss a few times here since our first meeting at the bar._

_“So, you’ve noticed me.” I wiggle my eyebrows._

_Katniss sighs, “Are you going to stand there and stare or are you going to sit down?”_

_I shrug and take a seat opposite her and set my tea on the coffee table._

_“What are you reading?” I ask._

_She hesitates before lifting the book, so I can see the cover._

_“The Fault in Our Stars? Really, Katniss?”_

_“Prim and I have a deal. We choose a book we love and assign it to the other. My little sister loves to torment me.”_

_“So, what was she assigned?”_

_“One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.”_

_“Excellent choice! I’m starting a class next year for college-bound kids analyzing novels. That’s one of them.”_

_“And what is on your reading list right now?” she inquires._

_“Catcher in the Rye.”_

_“Really, Peeta,” she mocks. “Do you see Holden Caulfield as the angsty teenager fighting against phonies and practicing individualism when he is really just a drunk, spoiled brat.”_

_“Not a fan?” She rolls her eyes. “I do like the book but I’m brushing up on it for my freshman English class. It’s one of the books we are covering.”_

_“Hmmmm.” An awkward silence follows._

_I can tell I may have upset her. “You know, I like the Fault in Our Stars.” She looks disbelieving, so I elaborate, “When I was a student teacher, I don’t know how many book reports I had to read on that book so finally, I read it, and I liked it and I’m not ashamed to say that I cried during the movie.”_

_She snickers and then straightens her features. I stare her down before she lets out a full-blown laugh._

_“Ha, I did it.” She looks puzzled. “I made you laugh. We’re friends now.”_

_She scrunches her nose. “I don’t really know how to be friends.”_

_“You’re friends with Madge.”_

_“That’s different. We both were social pariahs, so we decided to join forces at lunch.”_

_“Are we talking about the same Madge Undersee?” I find that surprising. Madge is a social butterfly._

_“Yup” she says with emphasis on the p._

_“Huh…. Well friends tell each other the deep stuff.”_

_“The deep stuff?” she reiterates._

_“Like what’s your favorite color?”_

_She stares and when I think she’s going to scoff she deadpans, “Well now you’ve taken it too far…. it’s green, dark, like a forest…. Yours?”_

_“Orange.”_

_“Orange? Like the fruit?”_

_“No, muted, like a sunset on the beach,” I correct._

_“That’s oddly specific.”_

_“And dark green like a forest isn’t? Have you ever seen a sunset over the ocean?”_

_“Nope.”_

_“If you ever get the opportunity, take it.”_

_She ponders, “I wouldn’t mind seeing Cannon Beach someday.”_

_“In Oregon?”_

_“You’ve been there?”_

_“No but it’s on my list because….” I hesitate_

_“Because….,” she prods._

_“You’re going to think it’s stupid, but The Goonies is in my top five favorite movies.”_

_Katniss’s mercury eyes widen. “Mine too! Except it’s number one!”_

_“Well, we will just have to watch it some time since Madge- “_

_“Hates it because Corey Feldman annoys the shit out of her,” we exclaim at the same time._

_“I have to watch Stand by Me by myself when she’s gone,” I laugh._

_“So, have you read the novella, The Body?” asks Katniss._

_“I have read quite a few Stephen King novels, including that one.”_

_“Maybe you should assign that to your students,” she teases._

_“HA! That would go over GREAT with the parents. I already got an earful from some kids grandma when I assigned Lord of the Flies.”_

_Katniss smirks, “So you said top five. What’s your favorite?”_

_“Dead Poets Society.” She nods. “It’s why I chose to become an English teacher.” She’s silent. “I know it’s cliché- “_

_“It’s a good cliché.” Katniss clears her throat, “I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately.”_

_I look down and smile. “Soooo, tell me about Prim.”_

_Katniss gives me the most dazzling smile I’ve every seen. “Well, she goes to the University of Washington.”_

And that is how our story began. I always order black tea no sugar, she hot chocolate with caramel drizzle and whipped cream. Katniss would always be so perturbed that I would have her drink ready and paid for. She started coming earlier than me to pay for mine. We would bicker until one day I told her to shut up and take the drink. I’ll never forget how her eyes narrowed at me, but five seconds later she said “fine” and gave me one of her rare smiles that lit up the whole store. From that moment we talked about our siblings, favorite books, music, and movies. She would tell me about her botany studies, I about the stupid things parents yell at me for. Sometimes we would just sit there in comfortable silence reading.

Later that evening, I decide it is time to call Katniss. The phone rings twice before I am sent directly to voicemail. Fuck, she’s ignoring me. Well, I don’t really care and I call back. Again, two rings and directly to voicemail.

“God damn it.” I scream chucking my phone on the couch. I decide to get ready for bed early and when I grab my phone 15 minutes later, I see there is a text from Katniss along with a video.

Katniss is in a dark ballroom, the only light being a disco ball and strobe light, the kind of lighting I see at the dances I chaperone. There is loud techno music blasting in the background.

“Stop it, Jo. I’m trying to—HEY.” Suddenly Katniss’s face is gone and replaced by a fierce looking woman with a pixie cut.

“Brainless is busy enjoying the dance mixer. No time for chit-chat.”

“Joanna, give me that.” Joanna? Oh, she’s talking about Joanna Mason. She is someone Katniss has bumped into before at various conventions. I really don’t understand how they became friends. Katniss has said she isn’t sure either. Katniss has described her as intimidating and raunchy. That was saying something because Katniss is not easily intimidated. Katniss’s face emerges again.

“I’m not ignoring you, Peeta” she slurs. She must be tipsy. “But I’m at this thing and it’s like, um, like hort- “

She is interrupted again by some guy who crouches down and puts his arm around her shoulders. She tries to shrug him off. “Hey, how do succulents confess their feelings?” He doesn’t even wait for either woman to respond. “ALOE you so much.” He roars with laughter and disappears.

Katniss looks so confused before bursting in a fit of giggles. “Aloe,” she laughs. “Peeta, it’s horticulturists and botanists gone wild! I’ll talk to you Monday when I get back.” I know her flight is due back around 6:30 p.m.

The last thing I hear before the video ends is Joanna saying, “Ooooo, tequila shots!” I shake my head and decide to go to bed. Hopefully, sleep will come quickly.

The weekend goes by painfully slow. When Monday arrives, I am so distracted even my students notice. I have them work on their homework that’s going to be assigned tonight or have them read the next chapter. Even Delly notices something is off during our free period.

“Are you okay? You’re awfully quiet.” she states.

“I didn’t get a whole lot of sleep last night. Or this weekend for that matter,” I reply.

“Is everything okay?” concern etched into her voice.

“Yes,” I attempt to brush off.

She eyes me carefully trying to look in my eyes, but I turn my head away. “No, it’s not,” she accuses.

I take a deep breath and shake my head. “I really don’t want to talk about it.”

“Did your mom say something?” Delly is one of the few people who are aware of how much of a bitch my mom is having met her once at family breakfast the day after Graham’s (my oldest brother’s) wedding.

“I haven’t talked to her in a while.”

“Does it have anything to do with Katniss?” she prods. I glare at her. “Ahhh, so it does.” When I don’t respond she continues, “I don’t know what’s going on, but I am here if you need to talk…. or need a woman’s perspective.”

I relent. “I said something really stupid…and cruel about certain past relationships.”

“Gale?” I nod. Delly only knows what happened because she stopped by Katniss’s place and found me sleeping in Prim’s bed after the incident. She also helped me move my things across the hall. Delly raises her eyebrows.

“Yeah,” I sigh. “I don’t want to go into specifics.”

“Are you sorry?”

“Immensely.”

“Well, make sure you listen to her and understand why she’s upset. When it comes to apologizing, as a woman the thing I want most is to be heard. Also, make sure that she knows your apology is sincere.” I nod. “You two have this relationship that others envy. I’m sure you’ll get over whatever it is quickly.”

“Thanks, Dells.”

The rest of the day moves slowly and when I arrive back at my apartment later that evening, I track her flight to see if it came. It’s still on schedule to arrive at 6:00 p.m. We live about a half hour away from the airport so I estimate that she will get home around 7:00.

I’ve decided to make Katniss’s favorite food in the world, cheese buns with marinara sauce. My mind drifts as I let the dough rise.

_2015-22 and 23 years old_

_“Listen Gale, you have no idea what you’re talking about,” Madge scolds, her hands pounding the table causing us to jump._

_“And what would you know about living in poverty, Princess,” Gale retorts._

_Madge and I are on our first double date with Gale and Katniss. A few months earlier, Gale began working with Madge and her father while he continued working towards his degree in Public Administration. At first, he refused but changed his mind after talking to Katniss._

_“So, you think I’m just some sheltered, little girl who knows nothing about our community?”_

_“When was the last time you set foot in the Seam?”_

_The Seam is the economically disadvantaged side of Panem. Their school closed when Katniss was heading into high school, so they moved with the Merchant kids to District 12 high. It became a battleground between the two classes, but things got better over time. Katniss told me that she was a loner and Madge asked if she could sit at her table during lunch. Madge apparently got a lot of crap for being a part of the richest family in school. When she sat down, her and Katniss didn’t speak but sat in comfortable silence. Eventually, conversation started and that’s how they became best friends._

_“I go to the Seam ALL THE TIME.”_

_“To volunteer for your photo-ops.” Gale gets up, “I’m getting another drink” and heads to the bar._

_“We aren’t done talking, Gale! I’m always there, cameras or not.” she screeches as she follows._

_I glance towards Katniss, her sitting across from me. She takes a deep breath, her cheeks filling with air, until she can’t hold the burst of laughter in anymore. I join her before we both settle down. I’ve known Katniss about six months now and have learned quite a bit about her. She’s a hunter, a horticulturist working towards her bachelor’s in botany, her favorite color is green, she loves carbs, she’s dedicated to her sister, and she can be quite funny._

_I shake my head and cross my arms. “How long do you think they’ll be at it?” I ask._

_“Oh, god, who knows. I say just let them. Unless you want to continue listening to that.”_

_“Fuck no.” Our server brings us a second helping of rolls and Katniss grabs one and dives right in. She takes a large bite._

_“I fucking love carbs!” she muffles, her hand covering her mouth._

_“Don’t let Madge hear you say that too loud.” Katniss is one of those people who can eat anything they want and never gain weight. It drives Madge nuts. I take a bite of the roll and make a disgusted face._

_“What? Are you some kind of bread snob?”_

_“I come from a family of bakers.”_

_She finishes chewing. “You bake? How did I not know this?”_

_I glance down before replying, “Well my family is kind of a touchy subject for me.”_

_She nods in understanding. “Yeah, me too.” We look into each other’s eyes for a moment before Katniss clears her throat. “Soooo, what is your specialty in baking?”_

_“I was always good at decorating,” I answer bashfully._

_“Really,” she laughs. Before embarrassment sets in, Katniss adds, “That’s really neat. But I have a more important question and that is, does it taste good?”_

_I smile, “Not as good as my buns.”_

_Katniss coughs and covers her mouth, “What?”_

_I laugh, “You should see your face. It’s so red.” Katniss looks at me and gives me her trademark scowl._

_“Okay, sorry…. I make these cheese buns.”_

_Katniss licks her lips before saying, “I have no idea what a cheese bun is but if it has carbs and cheese, I am in.”_

_“I can make them some time for you. They are best warm so Madge and I will have to have you over for dinner some time.”_

_“What are we doing?” asks Madge, sliding back into the booth next to me._

_“I offered to let Katniss try my buns,” I say in a serious tone._

_Madge puts her face in her hands and groans, “Not the baking humor.”_

_I lean towards her and kiss her cheek._

_“Well, it’s a good thing I love you for other reasons.” She turns and gives me a kiss._

_“Awww, aren’t you two cute,” Gale chimes in sarcastically._

_“Gale,” Katniss scolds._

_“Yeah, yeah. I’m done arguing with Princess tonight.” Madge sighs loudly as Gale shifts his arm around Katniss’ shoulder. She shrugs him off. I’m of the impression that Katniss is not a fan of PDA._

_A few months later, the month of May rolls around. Madge and I go to an intimate dinner for my 23 rd birthday which is on May 4th. It’s nice to have this alone time with her. She’s been gone so much for work. Madge feels terrible that she must travel tomorrow, but I don’t mind. She’ll be back on the 7th, just in time for Katniss’s birthday on the 8th. Madge told me that Gale requested I bake a cake to surprise her with._

_May 7 th comes around when I get a text from Madge._

**_Madge: I’m so sorry. There’s a crisis, I can’t go into it, but I’m going to be gone at least another three days._ **

**_Peeta: :(_ **

**_Madge: I know, I’m sorry. I will make it up to you when I get home ; )_ **

_I bake Katniss’s cake per Madge’s recommendation. We went with a lemon cake, with a raspberry filling between the layers. I chose a nature theme and pipe green frosting creating the illusion of grass and pine trees using upside-down waffle cones. I use blue frosting for the waterfall that falls between the first and second tier. The final touch is putting the Katniss flowers by the water. I’ve made those out of white fondant and pull out my brush for the intricate details of purple and yellow. When I finish, I text Madge a photo._

**_Madge: She’s going to LOVE it._ **

_After school is over the next day, I head over to my apartment and send Katniss a text._

**_Peeta: What are you up to tonight?_ **

**_Katniss: Netflix and frozen pizza._ **

**_Peeta: That sounds terrible. You should come over._ **

**_Katniss: I don’t know…._ **

**_Peeta: Come on…._ **

**_Katniss: But Madge is gone._ **

**_Peeta: Come on, it’s Friday night! No need to waste it. I’ll even let you try my buns._ **

**_Katniss: Lol…. fine._ **

**_Peeta: Come by around 6ish._ **

_6:00 comes and goes but as I’m about to text her, I hear a knock on the door._

_“Hey,” she greets with a smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. She is armed with a six-pack of Spotted Cow and a new bottle of Wild Turkey._

_I cringe, “Oh, my god.”_

_She tilts her head. I take her offerings and set them on the table as she takes her shoes off._

_“Wild Turkey takes me back to high school. I got so shit-faced on it because it was the only thing Rye could swipe from the liquor cabinet without anyone noticing. Then that fucker bought me shots of it mixed with apple brandy for my 21 st birthday.” I shiver thinking about it._

_Katniss gives me a small smile. “Well, it is my drink of choice.” She uncaps the bottle and takes two large swigs, no flinching in sight._

_“Your turn.” She hands me the bottle and I reluctantly drink from it._

_“Oh, god,” I sputter. “I’ve been taken back in time.”_

_She giggles and takes a deep breath in. “It smells fantastic in here.”_

_“Good. I’ve made cheese buns with home-made marinara. There are also meatballs on the stove,” I add._

_“You didn’t go through all this trouble for me, did you?”_

_“It wasn’t trouble. It’s nice to have somebody around to appreciate my cooking.”_

_“Madge gets home pretty late, too?”_

_“Yep.”_

_We dish up our food, pop open our beers and sit at the table. “Cheers,” she smiles while we clink bottles._

_Katniss dips her cheese bun in the marinara sauce, and I wait with anticipation as she takes a bite._

_“Fuuuuck,” she groans covering her mouth._

_I feel my cock harden. I readjust in my seat and cough. “Good?”_

_“These are amazing.”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“Yeah, I want to make it my life’s goal to get fat off of these.”_

_After eating, I clean up much to Katniss’s dismay. As I’m loading the dishwasher, she takes three large gulps of whiskey before handing me the bottle. I take one and hand it back to her before studying her. She is tapping her nails on the table, obviously uncomfortable._

_“I have a surprise for you,” I cheerily say._

_“What is it? I don’t really like surprises.” She eyes me warily._

_“I think you’ll like this one. Close your eyes.”_

_“Fine,” she huffs._

_I open the fridge to remove the cake and set it on the table._

_“Okay, open!”_

_She does and looks at the cake in shock. She shakes her head and squeezes her eyes shut, inhaling a deep breath. “You baked me a cake?” she grimaces._

_“It’s your birthday, of course I did.”_

_She opens her eyes and reaches for the bottle, taking two more gulps. She removes the bottle from her lips and starts bringing the bottle back. I move towards her and take the bottle from her hand._

_“Hey,” I whisper. “What’s going on?”_

_She begins rubbing her temples and pinches her eyes shut again before letting out a sob._

_“Hey, you’re okay.” She surprises me by hugging me, burying her head in my chest._

_“Let’s go sit down.” I lead her over to the couch where I continue to hold her._

_After a minute or so she pulls away. I don’t want to let her leave the safety of my arms. Katniss leans forward and puts her head into her hands._

_“How’d you know it was my birthday?” she accuses._

_“Madge and Gale,” I reply._

_“Damn it, Gale,” she cries._

_I begin rubbing her back. We sit like that for several minutes before Katniss takes a deep breath._

_“I don’t celebrate my birthday.” I scrunch my eyebrows, silently telling her to go on._

_Facing away, she begins her story. “I’m assuming Madge hasn’t told you. She’s always believed it’s not anyone’s place to tell another’s story.” I nod and she continues. “I was 12 years old when my father died. It was August and he did road work. So did Gale’s dad. We always joke about how Wisconsin has three seasons: summer, winter, and construction. He was working on Highway 151. There were signs ordering cars to slow down because construction workers were present. They were getting ready to head home, picking up the traffic drums. Someone didn’t heed the warning and plowed right into them at 75 miles-per-hour. They both died that night.” She is quiet, her eyes glistening with new tears._

_I can tell there is more to the story. “My mom checked out. She wouldn’t even leave her bedroom. At 12, I was suddenly responsible for my 8-year-old sister. I didn’t even know how to do laundry or cook. My mom hadn’t cashed the check from his life insurance policy. Eventually the power turned off. Teachers began noticing that our clothes were dirty, and our faces were becoming hollow. They took us away and we were in foster care until Haymitch could legally take us, but it took a while. After a year, we were back at my mom’s. She worked but she was never completely there.”_

_Katniss looks into my eyes and continues, “She committed suicide five years ago on my 18 th birthday. She-she had it planned for a while, I guess. She was just waiting until I could legally be responsible for Prim. I guess she was unselfish enough to grant me that small mercy.”_

_As I look, her eyes glisten with new tears before she leans her head on my right shoulder. Her right arm moves to my left shoulder and she begins sobbing. I let her drench my shirt with her tears as I hold her. After what seems like hours, she pulls herself out of my embrace before proclaiming, “I’m dizzy.”_

_“Come on,” I lead her to the guest room and tuck her in before heading back to the kitchen to get some water. She is asleep by the time I get back, so I set the glass on the nightstand. I move her soft hair out of her face and kiss her forehead._

_I head back to the kitchen and put the cake away. I sigh as I sit on the couch, irritated with Madge and Gale. They both had to have known what a horrible day this was for her and my oblivious actions hurt her more. I lay down and sleep soon follows._

_I’m jostled awake by Katniss. She is crouching down so she is eye-level with me._

_“What time is it?” I mumble._

_“11:55. We have to hurry.” She pulls me by the arm until I sit upright. “Where is it?”_

_“Where’s what?” I’m confused._

_“My cake,” she emphasizes. Even in the darkness, I can make out her smile._

_“In the fridge.”_

_“Well, let’s go!” She jerks her head towards the kitchen._

_I turn the light on resulting in the both of us squinting. I make my way to the fridge and pull out the cake. I pull the candles out of the drawer and attempt to count out 23 when she interrupts, “Just one, we only have two minutes.”_

_“Do you want me to sing for you birthday girl?”_

_“No just light the sucker up,” she insists._

_As soon as the candle is lit, Katniss closes her eyes and ponders. She has one-minute left and as I’m about to remind her, she leans down and blows the candle out. She gives me the biggest smile and reaches out to hug me._

_I hold her like that for a minute. She pulls away slightly to look me in the eyes. “Thank you,” she whispers._

_“Happy birthday, Katniss.”_

After the dough is set and put in the oven, I begin the marinara sauce, when Buttercup paws at me. I always take care of him when Katniss is gone. He must be hungry. As I’m refilling his food, I hear the lock on the door twisting. I stand straight up, frozen in place, the cat hissing at me as I didn’t finish.

This is it. I’m about to have the most important conversation of my life. I feel like I need to throw up. What am I going to say to her? What do I want to say to her? Instead of Katniss’s dark hair, I’m greeted with auburn. In walks Annie Cresta, our shy neighbor.

She smiles at me before quietly speaking. “Hey, Peeta. Was Katniss able to get a hold of you?”

No….” Um, no. My phone is charging across the hall.”

“Okay. Well, Katniss asked me to feed Buttercup. Her trip got extended a few days.”

“Why?”

“I didn’t think it was my business to ask,” she responds.

“Right….um _,_ I got him. He’s used to me anyway—wait, how do you have a key?”

“She gave me it before she left.”

“Oh….”

She fidgets in place. “Well good-night Peeta,” she says as walks out and shuts the door.

“Night Annie.”

I finish feeding Buttercup and head across the hall to look at my phone. I have three missed calls and one voicemail. “Hey Peeta, I have something that came up and I’m going to be away longer. My flight gets back to Panem around 7:00 p.m. in three days. I don’t know if you were able to feed Buttercup tonight, but I can ask Annie. Ummmm, no need to call back. I won’t be able to answer anyway. We should talk when I get back though. Bye.”

I decide to text her.

**Peeta: I’ve got Buttercup handled. I agree, we will talk in three days. Safe travels. I’ll see you soon.**

I lean against my fridge. Three more days of pure torture…. Fuck me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all who have been there from the beginning and thank you to all the new readers. I greatly appreciate the comments and kudos. Thank you to my amazing beta, Shannon! Your recommendations were greatly appreciated.
> 
> Shouldn't be too long until the next chapter!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katniss is back from her work trip. How will the discussion with Peeta play out?

The last three days have positively sucked. I mercilessly beat the dough in front of me with a grunt. Katniss will be home in about four hours, and I can’t sit around and do nothing.

“Dude, what did that sourdough do to you?” asks my brother Rye.

I glare icily at him, the sound of my phone notifying me of text messages. As the phone continues to ping, Rye reaches out and grabs it, my hands covered in flour.

“Whoa,” Rye laughs. “Damn her tits are better than I ever imagined.”

“What?” I look up confused.

“Glimmer.” He continues to scroll through the messages. “She says she’s sorry and didn’t mean to upset you.” I wash the dough off my hands and grab the phone out of Rye’s hand as a new text appears.

**Glimmer: Baby cant we get back 2 wut we do best.**

An eggplant emoji follows. I roll my eyes and block her number.

“Hey, why are you blocking her. She’s hot.”

“Then you can hook up with her.”

“Why’d you lose interest? You were practically fucking by the bathrooms at the club last time I saw you.”

“Well, maybe I’m looking for someone with a little more substance.” Rye raises his eyebrows at me. “Someone who doesn’t text like a 12-year-old.” One thing I’ve finally realized is that all the girls Katniss was talking about were easy choices to temporarily fill a void.

“Someone with substance, huh? Perhaps the beauty across the hall?” he suggests.

“Shut up,” I growl.

Rye has always teased me when it comes to the relationship I have with Katniss. I always just brush it off playfully. He looks like he’s about to say something when his phone lights up. “Shit,” he breathes. He heads to the door to put on his shoes. “Sorry bro, I gotta run.”

“Where are you going? Didn’t you come to Panem to see me?” A year ago, Rye decided to move to Milwaukee and open his own financial firm. My mother wasn’t happy with his decision, but now he’s only an hour away from me.

“Nope. Be sure to give Katniss my love.” He rushes out, slamming the door. All I told Rye was that she was traveling for work.

_Flashback-May 2017-25 years old_

_“I think that’s the last of it.” Katniss says setting a cardboard box on the table._

_“Thank you,” I say._

_“I’m sorry I couldn’t get out of work this week to help with the bulk of it.”_

_My apartment across the hall from Katniss’s became available on the first. It was slow-going since everyone was busy with work. Rye was helping earlier today before he left to get a phone charger, having left his who-knows-where. Katniss was stuck at the botanical gardens to help the event coordinator, Effie Trinket, set up for a wedding._

_I approach her and give her a hug pulling her feet off the ground. She laughs before I set her down, still holding her in my arms._

_I brush the loose tendrils from her braid out of her face._

_“I can never thank you enough for what you did for me.”_

_The day after the incident I began apartment hunting. Katniss insisted I stay at her place in Prim’s room until I found something. I learned a little while later that the apartment across the hall was going to open in May. When I told Katniss about it, she smiled so widely._

_“Well, it’s what we do, protect each other.” She looks up adjusting my collar._

_I kiss her forehead before releasing her. “You look radiant by the way.”_

_She blushes. Even though Katniss was only helping set up, Effie insisted Katniss dress the part. She’s wearing a floral sheath dress with a pastel blue cardigan._

_It’s been two months since Katniss and I walked in on Madge and Gale screwing._

_This week also happened to be mine and Katniss’s 25 th birthday. My brother insisted we celebrate since it was a milestone birthday. When I told Katniss she asked, “What milestone?”_

_“Being able to rent a car without having to pay the under 25 fee.”_

_“What?” She scrunches her eyebrows._

_“He uses any excuse to party hard.” This will be Katniss’s first time meeting him. I know it’s odd, but I’m anxious for his approval of her._

_“I’m going to go change.” She turns around to head to her apartment when she bumps into Rye, knocking her backwards, tripping over a box. I reach out and catch her._

_“Nice save, bro,” Rye says._

_I glare at him before introducing Katniss. “Katniss, Rye. Rye, Katniss.”_

_Katniss extends her hand. When Rye grabs it, he presses his lips to the back of her hand. She yanks her hand away while I smirk._

_“Little brother, you have been holding out on me. You said she was pretty but that doesn’t do it justice. Beautiful goddess would have been more appropriate.”_

_“Rye,” I warn._

_She looks to me, embarrassment coating her face. “I’m going to go change before we head out.”_

_“Please don’t,” Rye begs. She scoffs walking away._

_“Stop acting like an ass,” I warn._

_“I’m just telling the truth. Seriously, she is a magnificent specimen.” I strengthen my glare. He loves getting me riled. “When’s baby Everdeen getting here?”_

_“Keep your voice down, Katniss has these mystical ears that allow her to hear everything. She texted me 45 minutes ago. It should be any minute.”_

_“Katniss doesn’t have a clue?”_

_“Nope,” I smile._

_There is a knock on the door and outside is a girl about Katniss’s height with baby blue eyes and blonde hair. She has fair skin compared to Katniss, but you can tell they are related with the same cheekbones, eye shape, and chin._

_Prim enters the apartment and moves to hug me. This is the first time I have met her, but I’ve talked to her frequently on Face Time with Katniss while they have their weekly book check-in. Prim likes to use me as a referee of sorts when they start bickering. I put this whole impromptu visit in motion, a thank you for Katniss. It doesn’t even have to be a thank you. The reward of Katniss smiling will be enough. She requested that she take her finals early while I paid for the ticket. After everything, it was the least I could do._

_“It’s so nice to meet you, Peeta,” she squeals, squeezing me tight._

_“You too, Little Duck.”_

_“Little Duck? And how come you’re not telling her to keep it down?” Rye guffaws._

_“Because she’s prettier than you.”_

_“Harsh,” Rye replies._

_“That nickname is reserved for Katniss……but I’ll make an exception for you since you’re practically family….and because you side with me,” she smiles._

_She turns to Rye and introduces herself._

_“Seriously, what the hell is in the Everdeen gene pool? Did your parents sacrifice a goat to ensure your beauty?”_

_“Excuse me,” Delly chimes in sliding past Rye._

_Rye is flabbergasted and speechless._

_“Hi, I’m Delly. You must be Rye.”_

_Rye stays silent while Prim elbows him. “Um, yeah.” Delly gives him an appreciative stare before noticing the girl around her._

_“Prim!!!! It’s so nice to see you. Look at you, all grown up. Twenty; right?”_

_“Twenty-one next month.”_

_As Delly gives her a big hug Katniss walks in and freezes._

_Prim gives Katniss the biggest smile and Katniss lets out a high-pitched squeal before striding over to her, enveloping her in a tight hug._

_“How are you here? What about finals?” Katniss inquires cupping her face._

_“They let me take them early, and Peeta got my plane ticket. All of it was Peeta’s idea,” credits Prim._

_As Katniss looks at me, I think she is about to scold me but instead she hugs me. “Thank you,” she whispers in my ear before kissing me on the cheek. There are tiny butterflies in my stomach._

_“Happy birthday, Katniss,” I whisper back before kissing her forehead._

_“Oh, darn. We can’t go to the bar now,” Katniss says sarcastically._

_“That’s why the bar is coming to you.” We all look to the door to see our next guest, Haymitch Abernathy._

_Prim runs and gives him a giant hug as well before Katniss joins in. “Happy birthday, Sweetheart.” He kisses her forehead before releasing them. “You too boy,” he adds gesturing to me. Haymitch has known that I’m close with Katniss for a few years but the idea of drinking with my boss still unnerves me. His endearment for me is unsettling at times, too._

_Katniss, Prim, and Haymitch take over the couch while Delly comes over to the counter with tequila and strawberry puree, pulling my blender from under the counter._

_“Who wants margaritas?” she asks._

_“Me!” Prim shouts. Katniss turns her head to glare before Prim adds sheepishly, “I mean, I’d like to try one…for the first time…. ever.”_

_“You being responsible?” Haymitch gruffly questions._

_“Duh,” Prim replies._

_Katniss laughs to herself before touching Prim’s hair. “I like the longer hair. It makes you look mature, which I guess you could use since you are going to be a doctor,” Katniss beams. Prim is about to begin her third year of college as a biology major._

_“Okay, so Prim and me. Anyone else?” Delly inquires._

_“Just the tequila for me,” Haymitch answers._

_“I would love a margarita,” Rye says leaning forward, his eyes panning up and down._

_Adjusting the strap of her sun dress, Delly clears her throat, “Okay.”_

_I hand Katniss a beer and Haymitch a solo cup with three shots of tequila._

_“Thanks boy,” Haymitch gruffs._

_All of us are three or four drinks in when the pizza arrives, and we all dig in._

_“Holy shit this is good,” Rye proclaims before taking a big bite._

_“It’s from Sae’s,” Katniss adds._

_“This is better than sex,” Delly moans, obviously a little drunk._

_“Well, maybe I could help you change your mind in that department?” Rye offers._

_“She’s not wrong,” Prim chimes in before doubling over laughing. The margaritas are obviously getting to her. Especially since Delly makes them strong._

_Delly and Katniss gape at Prim while Rye high-fives her._

_“I do not need to be around for this shit.” Haymitch hugs the girls before heading out muttering, “I’m going to the bar to forget this conversation.”_

_“Love you too, Papa Haymitch,” Prim yells._

_“Papa Haymitch?” I repeat._

_Katniss rolls her eyes, “When she was ten, Haymitch took her trick-or-treating. She was Smurfette and he was Papa Smurf.”_

_“Oh, my god, I remember that. It was so adorable,” Delly recalls._

_“You were handing out the good shit, Delly,” Prim reminisces. The more Prim drinks, the more vibrant her vocabulary becomes._

_I raise an eyebrow and Delly elaborates, “Peanut Butter Cups.”_

_“I’d like to forget this conversation.” Katniss adds._

_“Papa Smurf?”_

_“No, the whole pizza sex thing.”_

_“Oh, come on Katniss. I’m twenty. You know I’m not a virgin.”_

_“We don’t need to talk about it- “_

_“You put a box of condoms on my bed after my first date with Rory when I was 15 and I dumped him before I got the chance to use them.”_

_“Would you have rather had Haymitch discussing these things with you?”_

_“So, when did you get to use them, Prim?” Rye asks half in the bag. Katniss glares at him. “Fine. Prim, you’re off the hook. Besides, it can’t be any worse than when Peeta lost his.”_

_“Dude.” I say exacerbation in my voice._

_“What happened?” Prim asks eagerly._

_“He was at this chick’s house; Bristol was her name. So, they were going at it and right after Peeta finished, you know three minutes later, OUCH.” I’ve punched him in the arm hard._

_“It wasn’t that quick,” I argue._

_“Fine, five minutes,” Rye says while I sigh and close my eyes._

_“Well, what happened next?” To my surprise it is Katniss’s voice._

_“Her dad arrived home. Her father was Officer Thread. Real big prick. Peeta only had time to grab his phone and put his Yoshi-themed boxers on before he climbed down the trellis and hid in the bushes. I had to leave this super-hot chick to come get him. He was covered in scratches from the bush. I had to sneak him back into the house since he was practically naked.”_

_Everyone in the room roars with laughter._

_“So, she got to ride Yoshi like in the game?” Prim adds._

_Her question mortifies both Katniss and I. Delly spares me more embarrassment by sharing her experience._

_“Well, I lost mine in a car when I was a junior after prom.”_

_“Really??? You seem like a “bed of roses” kind of gal,” Rye adds._

_“Marvel wasn’t 18 yet so they wouldn’t let us check in to the hotel like he originally planned.”_

_“Wait a minute, Marvel Harvey?” Katniss questions._

_“Yup. It was over before I realized he had even been inside me.” Delly laughs. “Come to think of it, maybe I didn’t actually lose my virginity that night.”_

_“Or maybe his dick was just that small?” Katniss says. Everyone looks towards her. “What? He was such an asshole that he was clearly compensating for something else.”_

_“He was a huge dick. I only agreed because I wanted to go to Prom, and he was the only one who was going to ask me.”_

_“Why was he the only one?” Rye asks._

_Delly looks towards Katniss before frowning. The look conveys an unspoken understanding between two people who share a tragedy._

_“I was kind of chubby at that point,” she reveals._

_“Bet you were still just as hot as you are now,” Rye replies. Delly flushes with embarrassment._

_“You think that’s bad? You remember the College Sweatshirt Bonfire District 12 High always- “Prim begins._

_“NOPE,” Katniss shouts, covering Prim’s mouth with her hand. “Come on Little Duck, time for bed.”_

_“But it’s only 10:30,” whines Prim._

_“Go visit Buttercup. You’re home for four weeks until summer class begins?” Prim nods and Katniss directs her out the door. “To the Hob?”_

_“But you have to tell your story,” Rye whines._

_“Perfect, let’s go.” I say. Katniss has a look on her face, and I can tell she is uncomfortable._

_We Uber to the bar and Rye immediately orders a round of Irish car bombs._

_“Alright, you up for a game of pool, birthday girl?” Rye questions mischievously. Katniss nods while Delly and I suppress a laugh. “Great, you can be on my team. Don’t worry, I’ll show you how it’s done.”_

_Delly and I sober up and groan knowing we are about to get our asses handed to us._

_Katniss leans down, ready to break when Rye creeps up behind her and puts his hands on her waist. Katniss jabs him in the stomach with the cue stick causing him to double over. Two stripes go in the hole._

_“That’s my girl,” I praise. Katniss smiles as she looks down._

_Time passes and Delly and I get our asses handed to us. Rye is ecstatic and grabs Katniss’s face before planting a sloppy kiss on her lips. Katniss is stunned. I am enraged. I move around the table, intending to punch him in the gut when Katniss pulls a beer off the waitress’s tray and dumps it right over his head. Rye is drenched and stunned momentarily before he busts out laughing gesturing Katniss to give him a high-five. I meet Katniss’s eyes and smile proudly at her._

_We head back to the apartment, Rye with no shirt since it is soaked. Delly took a cab home since she lives on the other side of town. When we arrive at the door, Katniss bids us a good night._

_“Now hold up, Kitty-Kat.” Rye is awarded with her signature scowl. “You were right Peeta, that is sexy.”_

_Katniss and I reach to slap him in the back of the head at the same time. “Would everyone stop that?”_

_“Would you stop being a dick?” Katniss replies._

_“Never,” he answers. “I’m not ready for this party to end. Come inside. I’ll shower quick.”_

_He doesn’t wait for a response as I unlock the apartment, him heading to the bathroom._

_Katniss strides to the living room, taking a seat on the couch. I offer her a beer which she accepts._

_“I’m sorry about my dumbass brother. He can be such a dick.”_

_“It’s fine. I can tell he loves you. I think I like him.”_

_“Do you dump beers on every guy you think you like?”_

_“Only the ones I hope will stick around.” Katniss looks down._

_We sit in an awkward silence before Katniss begins laughing._

_“What’s so funny?”_

_“You fled the girls house in your underwear and hid in the bushes? Do you still have boxers with Yoshi on them?”_

_I sigh, resting my head on the back of the couch. “Come on Katniss, you know I graduated to boxer-briefs.” She’s seen me in them. “And what about your first time? I doubt it was sunshine and rainbows.”_

_She hesitates. “You know what you tell me when we’re alone stays between us both,” I remind her._

_She ponders this before relenting. “Fine, but only because yours was so embarrassing…I was-don’t make fun of me-21 when I lost my virginity.”_

_Twenty-one would mean it was with Gale. I feel bad having asked now. “When did you start dating Gale?”_

_“On-and-off since I was 18. You must think I’m a prude or something.”_

_“I didn’t say that and no, I don’t think that.”_

_“Anyway, I was completely drunk. Gale too…. anyways, it hurt like a bitch. I was relieved when it was over. I was so terrified.”_

_I fume, “What did he do to you?”_

_“No, he didn’t hurt me…. or yes, he did because the first time hurt. To be honest it hurt through like the 8 th time. Anyway, ummm, I refused to take my shirt off…. I didn’t want him to see me. Um, I only ever undressed in front of him when it was dark…or I was completely shit-faced.”_

_The realization hits me, “Oh. Wait, am I the- “_

_“Yup, you’re the only guy who has gotten a close-up look…. with the lights on…. while I’m sober.” She’s referencing the night at the hotel after we caught Madge and Gale cheating._

_I reach for her hand. “Well, I’m honored then.”_

_“To be honest, sex has always felt like a chore. I don’t see what the big deal is.”_

_“Then he wasn’t doing it right and that’s a travesty. You’re the type of girl that should be worshiped every step.” We stare into each other’s eyes ignoring everything around us before Rye clears his throat._

_“Am I interrupting something?”_

_“My god, Rye,” I whine._

_“Hey, now is family time.”_

_Katniss gets up and Rye steps in front of her. “Where do you think you’re going? Family time includes you.”_

_“I’m tired,” she responds._

_“Fine, but tomorrow, we get breakfast. I want to hear all about your job.”_

_“Really?” Katniss asks._

_“Yeah. I’ve never met someone who works with plants for a living before.” Rye responds sincerely._

_“Um, okay.”_

_“Great! Lovely to meet you.” Rye leans in to kiss her on the cheek before she heads out the door. Rye turns around and smirks at me._

_“What?” I inquire._

_Rye sits in the recliner and stares at me before grinning wickedly. “Bro, she is perfect. I completely get why you are enamored with her.”_

_“Enamored?”_

_“Yeah, she’s perfect for you.”_

_“It’s not like that,” I shrug off._

_“It should be.” I’m ready to object when Rye raises his hands in surrender. “Okay, okay, too soon…. Peeta, I know you’ve been through a lot. It makes me happy to see you smile and laugh. In addition to being stunning, she’s hilarious. Lots of spunk. I already love her”_

_“Me too,” I say to myself._

I think of nights like those often, even before the confession. She always just fit into my life seamlessly, like she was always meant to be there.

I’m currently sitting on Katniss’s couch, knowing she will be here any minute. I’m petting Buttercup, staring blankly at the painting of the sunset I gave Katniss for Christmas. I’m knocked out of my trance by the sound of the door unlocking. I stand rapidly knocking Buttercup off my lap. Whatever, he will forgive me. The door opens, and Katniss is dragging her luggage in. She is dressed in a black pant suit, with a white blouse and the heels she hit me with earlier in the week. She’s dressed fancy. Her hair cascades down her back. Damn she is beautiful, and a sight for my sore eyes.

“Katniss- “

She’s startled and turns around with her hand on her heart. “Jesus, Peeta.”

“Sorry.” I approach her to reach for her luggage. She looks up at me and I can see she is wearing makeup. She normally never bothers with it, but she has eyeliner, mascara, eyeshadow, and gloss.

“Oh, thanks.” As I move her luggage, she sets an overfilled folder on the kitchen counter.

“Katniss- “I start.

“Peeta, I promise we will talk but I just had a five-hour flight and an old man with putrid breath was drooling on me. Let me take a shower and get cleaned up.”

“Okay. Are you hungry? I made you cheese buns.”

Her stomach growls, “Damn it…. fine, food first,” she smirks.

There is an air of tension as I pull the buns out of the oven that have been warming.

“Um, how was your trip?”

“Fine.”

“Okay.”

“Peeta, can we just talk like normal for now. Save the awkward conversation until after I’ve cleaned up?”

I breathe a sigh of relief. “I’d like that. So, who was that guy in the video?” I place a plate of food in front of her.

She tilts her head in confusion until the realization hits her, “Oh! “Aloe you so much.” Yeah, his name is Blight. He’s actually Jo’s ex…or maybe not. All I know is that I saw them heading down a hallway after the tequila shots.”

“And what did you do?” I tease.

“I somehow ended up in the garden with a mojito talking to the bartender on break about the healing properties of mint…”

I laugh watching her take a bite, licking the marinara sauce off her finger. Oh, god. I was never immune to arousal when she did those little things but now it’s amplified by a thousand.

“Are you okay? Your face is flush,” she asks with concern.

“Just warm…. So, what came up that kept you longer?”

She shifts in her chair looking deep in thought. “Um, I just uh—BLIGHT,” she spits out.

She’s acting rather odd. “Yes, Blight offered the opportunity to see his garden, err his lab I mean.”

“Is there something special about this lab?”

“Yes,” she emphasizes. “Blight is actually one of the leading botanists in the country. He has some rare plants.”

“Rare plants?”

“Yep,” she answers a little too quickly.

“Like what?” What is going on with her? She’s so fidgety.

“Nightlock,” she breathes out. I scrunch my eyes and she elaborates, “It’s a poisonous berry but he’s studying it for medicinal purposes. What it can do in micro amounts, etc. Boring things you probably don’t care about.”

“I care about your work, Katniss. I always have.”

She softens, “I know. It’s just one of those nerdy things that I can ramble about, but you won’t understand.” Katniss finishes up her dinner and I grab her plate to clean up. I stare her down, our own form of silent communication.

“Go shower and get into something comfy,” I instruct.

She smiles and says, “You know me so well.”

“Yes, I do,” I say as I stare back at her.

She breaks eye contact and heads to the bathroom. I carry her luggage to her bedroom and retreat to the kitchen to load the dishwasher. Buttercup is sitting on counter and when I shoo him away, he knocks over the folder Katniss set down. The contents fall out on to the floor. I reach for the papers to straighten them out. That is when I notice a letter that spikes my curiosity. I look to the bathroom as I hear her turn the water on and glance down.

**Dear Ms. Everdeen,**

**I would like to congratulate you on the success of your presentation as a keynote speaker at this year’s American Horticulture and Botany conference. We were impressed with your presentation on ornamental and edible plant life.**

Keynote speaker? She hates public speaking.

**As you are aware, we recently had an accepted applicant withdraw from the study program with the Cornucopia Islands. We greatly appreciate you coming out to California to interview last minute.**

Wait, what? She said it was extended to venture to a lab.

**As you know, we only accept five applicants per season who will facilitate the transplantation of native species to select botanical gardens across the United States as well as provide you with a unique opportunity for cultural immersion with the islanders. While you have your B.S. in Botany, we typically only accept graduate students in the program. Pursuing this opportunity will open doors should you choose to pursue your doctorate. With your stellar interview and recommendation from Joanna Mason, we are willing to forego the traditional application process and would like to offer you the chance to study for one year at the Cornucopia Islands beginning with training in California four days from now to include learning cultural norms and adjusting to an alternative living practice very different from the United States. After speaking with Effie Trinket and her accepted offer of having Joanna Mason fill in your spot, we hope this will make your decision a little easier. While we understand this is late notice, we will be requiring your answer by tomorrow. Please see the offer letter attached.**

**Sincerely,**

**Dr. Beetee Latier**

**Associate Professor of Botany**

**UC Berkeley**

I find the offer letter and Holy shit! The salary alone is nearly double her current wage. She also won’t need to worry about having a job to come back to and it will allow her to go for a PhD anywhere? Wait, one year? Katniss hates change being a creature of habit. I google Cornucopia Islands and it’s described as a very remote island off the coast of Ecuador, limited technology with an island population of 600. I add the word program to the words and photos of a tropical paradise appear with the people in the program and the native islanders. It reiterates the offer letter and the rare opportunity. She’d be working with people of all sorts of professions like marine biologists and volcanologists. I don’t know If she will go if she can’t talk to Prim or leave me here…. but she just has to. I hear the door open and scramble to get the papers back in order in the folder, so she doesn’t know I’ve looked. I’m sure she was waiting to tell me in a bit.

After Katniss gets dressed, she comes into the living room in yoga pants, an oversized sweatshirt, and of course her fuzzy socks. Her face is bare, and her hair is in her signature braid. She’s never looked more beautiful than she does right now.

“Better?”

“Much,” she smiles nervously.

I wait for her to elaborate but she doesn’t. “So, besides botanists gone wild and an exciting glance at this nightlock plant, anything else happen?” I question.

“No, work is work.” Something is up. Why isn’t she telling me about her program acceptance?

“So, are you going to apply what you’ve learned from the botanist gone wild with the horrible jokes to your everyday life now.” I tease, trying to keep it light.

“Are you really here to talk about my work?” she asks nervously. For Christs sake, I’m nervous. Why is she not telling me about her once-in-a-lifetime offer? Then it hits me like a freight train.

_Flashback- May 2017-25 years old_

_After saying goodbye to Rye, the day before, I find myself alone with Prim._

_“So, what made you choose Washington?” I ask her._

_“Well, I always knew I wanted to be a doctor. Washington has a fantastic program, and they were one of the schools who offered me a full ride.”_

_“One of them?”_

_“Yeah, I placed well in some science fairs.”_   
  


_“More than a few,” Katniss yells down the hall._

_“It’s not a big deal.”_

_“Yes, it is.” Katniss slips her shoes on, having to drop something off at work. “She’s being modest. Tell him which one you placed tenth in.”_

_“The Victor International one.”_

_My eyebrows shoot up. “Holy shit.”_

_“You know it?”_

_“I’m a teacher, of course I know it.” The Victor International Science Fair is the largest youth science fair of all. Being invited alone equals huge opportunities. Placing is a whole other ballpark._

_“I gotta go. Love you little duck.” She kisses the top of Prim’s head._

_“She loves embarrassing me.”_

_“She’s proud of you and she loves you.”_

_“Yes, she does,” Prim quietly confirms. “I was actually offered a full-ride to multiple schools, and partial scholarships to Yale and M.I.T. I was going to be happy going here in Panem. The program is one of the best here as well.”_

_“Why didn’t you?”_

_“Katniss wouldn’t allow it.”_

_I look puzzled before she elaborates, “Katniss has always looked out for me, done everything for me. She took up an extra job because she didn’t want me to work while I was in school to keep my grades up. She spent her nights balancing the checkbooks and ensuring we kept the lights on. She let me take in Buttercup even though she’s kind of allergic. Everything in her life was done to take care of me. She was ready to work even harder to send me to an Ivy League. I told her I didn’t want that, that I was going to stay here. Washington was the compromise.”_

_“Even though you didn’t want to go?”_

_“Of course, I actually wanted to go. But she saw right through me. Katniss finally sat me down and said that I didn’t need to worry about being selfish. The reason she worked so hard was so I could be selfish and that just because she didn’t pursue that opportunity, didn’t mean I had to miss out.”_

_“What do you mean pursue that opportunity?”_

_Prim hesitates before I add, “I’ll keep your secret.”_

_“Did you know that Katniss was one of the best high school volleyball players in America? She could serve and spike with tremendous accuracy. District 12 was ranked number four in the country the year that- “_

_“I know what you’re talking about, to an extent.” She’s referencing the tragedy. District 12 has a display to memorialize the team._

_“The kind of burns she had take a long time to heal. She would know longer be able to play the rest of her high school career, even if she wanted to. She fell behind in school since she was in and out of the hospital, which was totally understandable, but she gave up on her college dream. Even though Haymitch was willing to send her wherever, she refused. You know how stubborn she is about help.”_

_“But the other truth was that she wasn’t willing to leave Haymitch since he was alone after his wife died of cancer, this was before Effie.” Effie Trinket is an unusual woman. Her and Haymitch are complete opposites. Apparently, their wedding the week before Christmas this year will be an event to remember._

_“Katniss is fiercely loyal, and she doesn’t like to stray from her comfort area if it means leaving a loved one behind. She’s never put herself first.”_

She has no intention of going. I realize that I will now have to do whatever it takes to get her to go. My feelings, or potential feelings must be put aside.

“I suppose we should discuss what happened,” I pause. “Katniss, I am so sorry for how much of an ass I was. I threw those insecurities in your face and betrayed your trust.”

“Can we sit down?” Katniss heads towards the far end of the couch while I sit on the other side, one cushion between us both.

I take her hand and she looks down and mumbles, “I’m sorry for springing everything on you like that.”

“It was a lot to take in. You caught me way off-guard.”

“Oh,” she hesitates. “Well, again, I know it was a lot. I meant every word, even if I was drunk,” she laughs as she looks away. “Anyway,” she continues, “I was wondering if maybe we could go on a few dates, possibly see where it leads us? Maybe we can try for a month and see if anything’s there? I mean, I know everything about you and we’ve always enjoyed each other’s company.” She looks so hopeful.

FUCK. As I stare blankly at her, I know that she will never forgive me…. but I know that I will never forgive myself if she stays.

“Hello, earth to Peeta?” She moves closer and moves her hand in front of my face before placing it on my cheek, gently caressing with her thumb while looking into my eyes.

I close my eyes leaning into her hand and take a deep breath, savoring every moment. So many memories flash before my eyes and it is in that second that I realize this is it, there is no turning back…. ever. I have to break her heart and mine in the process.

She tilts her head, apprehension on her face. I move my head away and pull my hand away sharply, acting as if her touch has burned me. “What’s wrong?”

I inhale quickly, “I don’t understand where you thought this conversation was going to go. Everything was fine before you ruined it.”

“What are you saying?”

Speaking the next words makes me feel physically sick. “I’m saying that I don’t see you that way. I never have…. I’m never going to.”

“Can’t you just-”

“You don’t get it Katniss.”

I stand up from the couch. It takes everything in my power not to backtrack and tell her I didn’t mean it. 

I squeeze my eyes tight and take a deep breath. “Katniss, I don’t know what you thought was going to happen when you got back but I can’t give you what you want.”

“You might change your mind if you just give us a chance,” she pleads.

“I DON’T WANT TO GIVE US A CHANCE,” I bark as I see her jolt. My heart is shattering into tiny pieces. “Everything was fine until you ruined it by confessing your feelings.” I don’t dare look back at her as I hear her sniffle. “I’m going to go, Katniss.”

I walk towards the door while Katniss shouts, “Peeta!”

She reaches for me and whips me around. Before I can say anything, her lips are on mine. I don’t do anything until I feel her mouth move against mine, her hand caressing my nape and tugging my hair. After about two seconds I move with her while she pushes me against the door.

I’ve kissed Katniss Everdeen six times before this and while they were all good, they were kisses from a friend, a way of showing that we cared. It is nothing compared to the pure passion and love that is now. Katniss is kissing me as if she is bearing her soul and I want to live in this moment forever. I selfishly kiss her back, allowing myself a little longer, trying to engrave this moment to live in my memory forever before I break the kiss and turn my head away.

“I had to do that at least once,” she says softly, her eyes searching mine. “Did you feel it?”

I turn around again and squeeze my eyes shut. “Feel what, Katniss?”

“You know damn well what, Peeta.”

I sigh and feel my heart ache. “You’re a good kisser, Katniss…. but no different or special than the other girls I’ve been with.”

I open the door and start walking out when she yells, “STOP! Come back and we can figure this out.”

I just want to hold her and keep her someplace safe and tell her I’m sorry. I’ve never felt worse as I lie to Katniss Everdeen.

“No, Katniss. And I don’t want to figure this out. Everything was fine before. I’ve never lied to you and I’m certainly not going to start now. It’s not my fault you can’t handle the truth. You know the types of girls I date.” As if I haven’t already done enough damage, I go in for the kill. “What makes you think you can compare?” I start walking into the hall.

“I’ve never known you to be cruel, Peeta,” she murmurs “but maybe I was just too blind to see it.”

I turn around and look right into her eyes, filled with unshed tears. “I guess you’ve finally figured it out then.”

She closes the door, her muffled sobs behind it, the lock turning with a final click. The sound makes what I’ve done all too real. I enter my apartment and rush to the sink to vomit. Once finished, I slide down to the floor, a single tear escapes and rolls down my cheek. I had to do whatever it took to get her to go. After all Katniss does for others, she deserves something good.

And I have nothing to offer her…. right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everlark is endgame??? As always, thank you Shannon for your suggestions. I'll be honest, I kind of want to punch myself in my own face for this chapter.....


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peeta is in for some surprising news and takes time to reflect on the previous holidays he's spent with Katniss.

Chapter 4

November to December 2020- 28 years old

“Time out, Peeta,” Rye says. His request falls on deaf ears as I continue jabbing into the punching mitt. One, two, three jab, punch to the left.

“PEETA, STOP,” he shouts. I’m jolted back to the present, suddenly aware of the throbbing pain in my knuckles. Rye removes the mitts and shakes out his hands.

“Let’s get these off of you before you kill me,” Rye mutters.

I flinch as he removes the glove from my left hand. After he gets it off, I yank my hand away. “Nuh, uh. Let me get the tape off.” I hiss but he keeps his eyes focused on peeling back the white layers.

“Yikes!” I look down to see my knuckles bruising. “Let’s get you some ice,” Rye suggests.

“I’m fine,” I state, ignoring the ache.

“I said we’re getting you some ice. It’s not a request,” he says as he grabs my other arm.

We get the other glove off and Rye sits me down in a chair and applies ice.

“So, you want to tell me what all that was about?”

“Nope,” I reply curtly.

“Hmmmm,” he pretends to ponder. “I don’t think it’s Mom because you haven’t taken anything she’s said personally in years.”

I scoff.

“It could be that you haven’t gotten laid lately, even though you easily could have,” he prods, as if that’s something I wouldn’t know already. “So, if it’s not our bitch of a mother…. that leaves Katniss,” he says in a sing-song voice.

“Fuck off, Rye.”

“I know you miss her, but we’ve been in the ring a dozen times since she left, and you haven’t been this hardcore. What gives?” Rye questions.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I grumble

“Well, tough! My hands still sting so you owe me. Plus, big brother wants to help,” he wheedles.

“RYE!”

“PEETA!” he shouts back. “I genuinely care about you or whatever mushy shit I’m supposed to say as your brother,” he pauses. “Let’s go get cleaned up and we’ll get some food, but you are going to talk to me.” He says it nicely, but I can tell he’s not giving me a choice.

We get cleaned up and head over to Sae’s, despite my protests. As we sit, Rye orders a Canadian bacon and pineapple pizza, which makes me chuckle.

“I know what you’re thinking,” he states knowingly.

**_Flashback- March 2018- 25 years old_ **

_“Peeta?” Delly asks standing outside my classroom during our free period._

_“Yes, Dells?”_

_Delly approaches my desk, apprehension on her face._

_“What’s wrong?”_

_“I—nothing…. Um, I wanted to ask you a question.”_

_“I gathered that,” I laugh._

_“So, you’re brother…Rye. Um, what’s he like?” she asks shyly._

_“You’ve met him a few times since last May,” I state obviously._

_“No, I know. I mean what’s beyond the flirty guy constantly playing to the crowd…you know like you.”_

_“Like me?”_

_“You come off as if you’re putting on a performance, but I’ve gotten to know the real you. I know how great you are.”_

_I momentarily pause, absorbing what she has just said before she tilts her head, silently awaiting an answer. “And you’re wondering about Rye because?”_

_“He, um, asked me out…. on a date.”_

_I lean my head back and burst into laughter._

_Delly looks a little hurt before I jump in “No, not you. You’re perfect. I got this sense the last time we all hung out.” I beckon her to shut the door._

_“Sense?”_

_“He didn’t rag on you when you walked into the glass door when you were drunk after two martinis.”_

_“I told you, I’m not used to gin. Tequila, no problems,” she defends._

_“Well, Rye comes off as an immature dick who can’t take anything seriously.”_

_“But?”_

_“But……. he is fiercely loyal, surprisingly considerate, selfless, and an exceptionally good listener,” I finish._

_A few days later, I arrive at Sae’s with Delly for our double date. After sensing Delly’s apprehension, I offered to accompany them with Katniss. While not completely immune to the Mellark charm, she was grateful._

_I brought it up to Katniss that night._

_“Why don’t you take Sweater?”_

_“Cashmere,” I emphasize. She rolls her eyes. “I think Rye knows that Delly is more than just a potential hookup. Delly is comfortable with you- “_

_“Delly is comfortable with everybody,” Katniss points out._

_“Well, I’d be more comfortable going with someone who matters to me.”_

_“Me?” she points to herself._

_“Duh…you’re THE person that matters the most to me.” I step forward and tug on her braid._

_She looks up at me and leans up to kiss me on the cheek before whispering, “Fine, but you’re paying and I’m not getting dressed up.”_

_“Fuck that, I’m making Rye pay.” I wrap my arms around her and look down._

_She laughs leaning her forehead against my chest._

_The evening of the date Katniss texted that she would be a little bit late. We arrive at the booth and Delly sits across from Rye while I slide next to him._

_“Dude, what the fuck?” Rye mutters._

_I roll my eyes before asking, “Delly, do you want to trade places?”_

_“No, thanks. I’ll sit next to Katniss.” she answers. Delly looks Rye straight in the eye. “This way I can look at you to make sure you stay in line.”_

_“I’m wounded,” Rye mocks placing his hand on his chest. “I took the liberty of ordering. I chose the Hawaiian.”_

_Delly and I share a secret look. I’m about to chime in when Delly nudges me with her foot._

_“I hope that’s okay?”_

_“Perfect,” she answers sweetly as she pulls her phone out of her purse. “I know this is rude, but I should listen to this voicemail. It’s my mom,” she apologizes. “I’ll be right back.” Delly slides out of the booth and heads outside where it is quieter._

_Rye slowly turns his head towards me, cocks his head, and grins widely. “Katniss, huh? That’s your date this evening?”_

_“Shut up. I’m not in the mood.” Rye is always teasing me about my relationship with Katniss and how we are practically a married couple even though we aren’t together like that._

_He chuckles, “Aren’t you seeing that sweater chick?”_

_“It’s Cashmere,” I groan. God, it’s horrible. “And fucking isn’t really seeing. I’m ending it soon anyway.”_

_He’s about to open his mouth when I stop the server and tell him to add Katniss’ preferred pizza and an order of deep-fried cheese curds to tide her over until it’s ready._

_“Over before or after the plans were made?”_

_“After,” I answer before pulling out my phone to see if Katniss is on her way. Before I can hit send, Rye pulls the phone out of my hand._

_“Of course, your wallpaper is a photo of you two. What the hell are you two wearing?”_

_He’s referencing our ugly turtleneck Christmas sweaters from a few months ago. I roll my eyes and ignore him while I scroll through Facebook. He nudges me, “Our dates are coming in. Look alive.”_

_“What the—”_

_“Just shut up.” He takes a deep breath in before slowly exhaling._

_I laugh, “Are you nervous or something?” Rye doesn’t respond._

_“Nervous, huh?” Katniss calls._

_“Damn her and her ears,” he mutters. Delly has a small smirk as she sits. I step out of the booth so that Katniss can greet Rye._

_“There’s my sister from another mister,” rhymes Rye leaning forward and hugging her. “And you’re dressed up too? You really don’t have to take the extra time to get gussied up for little old me.”_

_I look her over head-to-toe. She’s wearing dark blue jeans with her tall black boots over the top. She has on a light blue silk blouse tucked in with her father’s jacket over the top. The pearl pendant I got her for Christmas hangs around her neck. She’s also wearing light makeup and her wavy hair cascades around her shoulders._

_“Ha, ha,” she mocks before turning to me. “Dr. Latier was visiting,” she adds looking at me. Dr. Latier is one of the leading botanists in his field. Having him visit the gardens was a big deal and Katniss had been nervous. “That’s why I’m late. I couldn’t stand being in that skirt and heels anymore.”_

_Rye whines, “Why do you insist on punishing me?” Delly shakes her head and laughs._

_As Katniss pulls out her phone to silence it, two servers bring us pizza, plates, and a round of beers. Katniss glares at the order._

_“Now, I know you said you didn’t like pineapple on pizza, but I figure you could just pick it off and give it to Peeta. Like that olive theory.”_

_“Olive theory?” Delly asks._

_Rye begins putting some food on each plate, passing them out one at a time._

_“From How I Met Your Mother,” I add._

_“Thank you, little bro. Yes, a relationship needs balance and one of the ways to obtain that is with the olive theory. Person A likes olives and Person B does not. When Person B gets something with olives, they give them to Person A. Delly, when you gave me the olive from your martini, I knew that we could achieve that balance. Isn’t that just—”_

_Rye is interrupted with chunks of pineapple hitting him in the face and causing sauce to get in his unusually long hair. The table roars with laughter, including Rye before he compliments her on her aim. She looks at me with disdain while I take a bite. With my mouth full, I point to the server coming over with the basket full of cheese curds._

_Katniss lets out a loud groan before shoving one in her mouth. I take a deep breath in when Rye turns his head towards me and smirks._

_“Jesus, Peeta. How do you not have a hard-on all the time with those noises?”_

I’m about to interrupt when he chimes, “I know, I know. You didn’t want to introduce me to your flings.”

I chuckle, “Didn’t Delly pull out a chunk of fruit when you were making out later that night?”

“Yeah,” Rye smiles. “Katniss has great aim. She also made you laugh so hard. I hadn’t seen you laugh that much in a long time.”

I sober up. “Yeah, I know. Katniss can be pretty funny.”

Rye chortles, “Are you kidding me? Katniss is only funny and willing to genuinely laugh when she’s around you. Otherwise, it’s all scowl, all the time. Don’t get me wrong, she’s hot either way but- “

“Hey!” I interrupt. “Why are we here again?”

“You were pretty riled up today.”

“So?”

“I’ve only seen you like that once, Peeta. You have many reasons to feel that way. Mom was awful and made you feel like you were never enough. Madge cheated on you- “

“Do you really need to bring this up?”

“Yes,” Rye affirms. “You’ve had some shitty things happen but the only time I’ve seen you like that was when you beat the shit out of Gale Hawthorne.”

“So, I should have just let the guy who my fiancé cheated with just waltz right passed me?”

“No. But I reached the alley before you started wailing on him.” He waits for me to interrupt but I don’t. “I know what you said about Katniss.”

**_Flashback- September 2017- 25 years old_ **

_“Come on, bud, it’s been six months. Time to get back on that horse and there are plenty of chicks looking to ride,” Rye shouts over the loud music. He’s taken me to a club called The Capital. I’ve turned down every chance to dance and Rye is getting pissed. I’d rather be in my apartment with Katniss watching The Office. We have just gotten to the episode when Jim comes back with Karen._

_“I need some air,” I yell over the thumping bass as I head out the door for a breather._

_I’m walking down the sidewalk in front of the club when I hear a familiar voice speaking, “Yeah, Madge. I’ll be home in about two hours,” the man pauses. “I’ll never hear the end of it if I leave Crane’s bachelor party early because I want to go be with my girl,” he continues. “Thanks, princess. Love you, too.” He hangs up his phone and turns. I step into the shadowed alley and walk towards him._

_“Gale,” I respond coolly._

_“Mellark.” He tries to walk past me but it’s like a fire is lit. I shove him backwards and he falls to the ground._

_“What the fuck, man?” Gale questions._

_“How could you do that to her?”_

_“Listen, Peeta, I’m sorry you had to find me and Madge like that- “_

_“You never deserved her,” I state bitterly._

_“Well, Madge thinks otherwise.” He pulls himself up off the ground and tries to get past me again._

_I grab his shirt and reply, “I’m talking about Katniss, asshole.”_

_Whatever I’ve said causes Gale to laugh. “Dude, I fucked your fiancé and you’re telling me that I didn’t deserve Katniss? I knew it. You always had a thing- “_

_Before he can finish, my fist collides with his face followed by a quick jab to his stomach. I put my high school wrestling moves to work and lunge, taking him down. I continue to pummel his face when I feel someone tugging at me. It’s Rye._

_“Peeta, stop, STOP.” He manages to yank me off Gale, but I resist._

_“I could have you arrested, Mellark,” Gale threatens._

_“You deserve it, Gale. You’re lucky I don’t let him loose.” Gale eyes Rye and ponders for a moment._

_“You get a pass this time…. for her,” he says as he wipes his bleeding lip on his sleeve._

_Rye nods and drags me out of sight._

“You went after Gale that night, not because he screwed your girl, but because he hurt Katniss. I know I always tease you about her but it’s time for a dose of truth whether you want it or not. She’s always been number one, even if you are too dense to realize it,” he says sympathetically.

I run my hands through my hair and sigh. I’m about to speak before I’m interrupted.

“It’s been years now and I have to say what I’m about to say. You and Madge were good together, but the passion, the laughter, it was like it was forced at times. Mom and dad don’t have a model relationship, so I can see why you thought Madge was the one, but really, I always thought Katniss was perfect for you. You’ve been there for each other through everything. She’s the first one you call when something is great but even more so when something is not.”

“Are you a Hallmark card?”

“No,” he laughs, “But Delly makes me watch all that sappy crap.”

“WHAT?”

“Oh, shit. I wasn’t supposed to say that.”

People look up from their food and Rye asks the waiter if we can get it to go. We head back to my apartment in silence. Delly is sitting in front of my apartment door when we arrive. Rye reaches his hand down to help her up and I unlock the door and we head in.

“Well?” I prod.

“Peeta, I’m sorry we didn’t tell—” Delly begins.

“I put a ring on it,” Rye interrupts grabbing Delly’s bare left-hand. “Wait, what the—”  
  


Delly yanks her hand out of his. “Shut up, I didn’t know what we would be telling him.”

“Wait………You two are engaged?” They both nod. “When did this start back up?”

“October…. of last year?” Delly sheepishly answers.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I honestly thought she was going to dump me,” Rye says.

“Technically I did…twice,” she reminds.

“Wait, is this why you moved to Milwaukee?” I direct at Rye.

“I love you, Peeta, but not that much,” Rye replies. Delly smacks him on the head.

“I’m sorry we kept this from you, Peeta,” Delly apologizes.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m sorry too. You’re my best man though if that helps.” Rye states.

“I would have kicked your ass if you had chosen Graham. How much do you have planned?”

“We have the venue and the date. I’ve dreamed of getting married at the Gardens since I was a little girl, and it will be happening the second weekend in October. Please don’t be mad but I already wrote Katniss and she said she’ll be back by October 1st to be my maid of honor. I asked her not to tell you.”

My smile falters. “I haven’t heard from her.”

“Like this week?”

“Since a few days before she left.”

“What the fuck did you do?” Rye demands.

“Rye, we don’t know what—” Delly defends.

“I fucked up…. Can we talk about something else please?”

The two give up after I refuse to say anything more on the subject.

Before I know it, Thanksgiving and Christmas come and go leaving what feels like an endless amount of time to dwell on the previous holidays.

**_Flashback-25 years old-November 2017_ **

_“Peeta, this is too much,” Katniss exclaims as she takes in the bags of groceries._

_“It’s Thanksgiving,” I state simply. “Plus, we’re having company.”_

_“It’s Prim.”_

_“Come on, Katniss. She loves my cooking.”_

_“Peeta, you don’t have to go through the trouble. I’m not even going to be here to help prep since I have to set up the holiday exhibit at work.”_

_“Prim’s flight gets in at 7:00. She can help.” Katniss looks at me skeptically. “Katniss,” I lecture, “I’ve been baking for the masses my whole life.”_

_“Baking for the masses,” she emphasizes._

_“Think of the leftovers.”_

_She sighs, “Alright, you win.”_

_“It will be nice getting to have some one-on-one time with her.”_

_“And she can’t wait to see you,” she mumbles._

_“What’s that supposed to mean?” Katniss starts to blush. “What?” I prompt._

_She inhales, “She thinks you’re attractive.”_

_I chuckle, “Did she say I was attractive?”_

_She huffs, “The first time she saw your picture she said look at the hottie with the body. She’s always telling me to send photos with you.”_

_I bust out laughing. “Hottie with the body? I’m flattered.”_

_“She’s 21 and my sister, Peeta,” Katniss grumbles._

_I sober, “Katniss…. you know I would never do that. I’m actually kind of insulted that you’d even think that.”_

_She reaches for my hand. “I know, I know. I’m sorry. In my mind she will always be that little girl with pigtails. I think she seriously has a crush though. She’s always asking about you.”_

_“What do you tell her?” I whisper flirtatiously._

_“Shut up and let her down easy, Mellark. Have fun. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.” She opens the door and heads out._

_A few hours later I pick up Prim from the airport. After leaping into my arms, the girl has not stopped chatting since we got in the car. I guess the flight from Washington to Wisconsin didn’t tire her out._

_“And Rue stepped up and said, “I don’t give a damn who your daddy is, some of us had to work to get into this program, so you’d better pull your nonexistent weight, Sparkle.”_

_“Sparkle?” I laugh._

_“I don’t know what her actual name was, but Rue had had her in a couple of classes.”_

_“Has she pulled her weight?”_

_“I don’t know. She demanded a different group after Rue said that,” Prim says._

_We arrive at the apartment and head upstairs. She heads into the apartment she’s shared with Katniss all these years so she can grab Buttercup while I begin pulling ingredients out to prep._

_“Are we feeding an army, Peeta?” Prim asks while shutting my door. I glance wordlessly at her. “Kidding. Here are the recipe cards I was able to find. They’re not super specific on the amounts since Dad had the recipes memorized. I think he always intended to write out the specifics but that never happened before the accident.” She looks sad while passing the faded yellow cards to me. I give her a hug._

_“Peeta?”_

_“Yeah, Little Duck?”_

_She scowls. While the girls don’t really look like each other, the Everdeen’s have a signature scowl._

_“Ugh,” she groans._

_“Ugh back. I heard about your nickname for me.”_

_“What nickname – OH! Katniss actually told you.” Prim’s face turns beet red before she bursts into giggles, tears leaking out the side of her eyes. She inhales deeply before adding, “How I love riling her up, Mr. Hottie with a Body.”_

_“She told me to let you down easy.”_

_“Oh, my god, she actually thinks I have a crush on you? Ewwww, you’re like my brother.” Another fit of giggles follow._

_“Well, that solves that issue I guess,” I chuckle. The laughter dies down as we sit on the couch in front of the tv with our beers since she is indeed old enough to drink now._

_“I think it’s really sweet what you’re doing, but I honestly don’t know how Katniss will react. We haven’t had a huge holiday celebration since Dad died, and Katniss keeps her feelings inside.”_

_“We will just have to see then.”_

_The next day around 2:00, I hear Katniss across the hall “yelling” at Prim for not waking her sooner and for keeping her out of the prep work. She didn’t get back to the apartment until 4:00 this morning since Effie Trinket is meticulous in her displays._

_I open the door and chime, “Happy Thanksgiving.”_

_Prim hugs me as best as she can since she is clutching Buttercup. Katniss is scowling._

_“It would be,” Katniss begins, “if the fleabag hadn’t scratched me.”_

_“I told you to stay away while I was bathing him. And don’t call him a flea bag. Peeta, doesn’t Buttercup look adorable?” Prim asks. Buttercup has a red bow tie around his neck while swatting at me when I reach to scratch his ear._

_“Well, that tie does make him look dapper,” I answer. Prim sticks out her tongue at Katniss before heading to the couch to set him down._

_“Traitor,” Katniss whispers. I look at her. She is beautiful. She’s wearing a wine-red turtleneck sweater dress with a black belt with a gold fastening and black leggings. The dress fits her like a dream, hugging her curves in the right places. Her lips have a smooth coating of gloss, her eyes accentuated by eyeshadow, her wavy hair cascading down her mid back._

_“What?” she asks adjusting her collar._

_“You look beautiful,” I reply with a smile._

_“Shut up- “_

_“Just take the compliment,” I interrupt softly. I push a soft lock of her wavy hair behind her ear. She blushes._

_“You look nice, too,” she says avoiding eye contact._

_“Thank god! I spent hours deciding between the baby blue button-up or the navy!” I joke._

_“The baby blue brings out your eyes.” She finally makes eye contact. I smile._

_“Excuse me,” Prim interrupts, “but I’m hungry.”_

_Katniss takes note at the island and the array of crock pots and platters._

_“Ladies, first,” I gesture to the food._

_Katniss looks overwhelmed by the amount of food and doesn’t seem to know where to start. She follows Prim’s lead and grabs a warm roll and then moves on to the garlic mashed potatoes. She looks up to see what Prim grabs next when she stops._

_“Wait a minute, is that- “_

_She’s interrupted by a loud noise from my bedroom followed by a large meow and then a hiss._

_“Damn it, Buttercup,” Prim says. She sets her plate down and heads towards the noise._

_Katniss looks at me to explain the lamb stew._

_“Prim found your dad’s recipe cards. She told me that you didn’t have a lot growing up, but your dad always made the holidays special and would go all out. She said this was your favorite dish at Christmas and since we are combining the two since Prim can’t come home in December, I figured--.” Katniss is silent. “I don’t know if it even turned out right. The recipes weren’t precise since your dad- “_

_I’m cut off because Katniss has pulled me in for a tight hug. We stand there holding each other for a few seconds before we let go. She keeps her hands on my shoulders, mine on her waist, as she says, “I’m sure it’s wonderful.” A single tear falls slowly down her face. I move my hand to wipe it away._

_“Happy Thanksgiving, Katniss.” She smiles._

_Prim clears her throat. “Buttercup knocked over a picture frame and broke it.” Prim brings over the frame with the broken glass on top. I glare at her because she could have gotten hurt. She shrugs. I look and it’s my favorite photo of me and Katniss at the 4 th of July lake party from earlier this year after a few drinks that I keep in my office. We were both drunk but happy to oblige since the beer was never-ending. _

_“Of course, the beast would break the photo with me. I’ll buy you a new frame,” Katniss apologizes._

_“Don’t worry, Peeta. I know what to send you for Christmas now,” Prim says. Katniss glares at her._

_“Enough! Time to eat,” I order as I set the broken frame on top of the trash can so it’s out of the way. We all dish up our food and sit._

_“Do we say grace?” I ask._

_“Nah, we put our faith in science,” Prim says._

_“Actually,” Katniss pauses before continuing, “It was tradition in our family to go around and say what we each are thankful for.” Katniss reaches for Prim’s hand and mine. I reach for Prim’s._

_Prim’s eyes glisten as her eyebrows raise up with surprise. “That sounds great, Katniss. I’ll go first. I am thankful for random discount airfare!” We all chuckle. “Peeta, your turn.”_

_Sensing the feeling that we need to keep things light-hearted I say, “I’m thankful that Buttercup only scratched Katniss and that Katniss didn’t turn him in to our meal.” Everyone laughs again. “Katniss?”_

_I glance at her and she thinks it over. “I am thankful to be here with both of you.” She looks from Prim to me before continuing, “my family.” She squeezes my hand. We all look at each other._

_After we all stuff our stomach’s, we watch Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. Prim passes out in the chair with Buttercup in her lap and Katniss yawns and rests her head on my shoulder, snuggling further into the blanket we are sharing._

_“You know the whole “let’s go around and say what we are thankful bit”? The last time we did that was the final Thanksgiving we had with my father. That’s why Prim was tearing up………Thank you, Peeta.”_

_I rest my head against hers. “You’re welcome, Katniss.”_

_Flashback - December 2017 – 25 years old_

**_Katniss: Prim looks like a Christmas doll, but I look fucking ridiculous._ **

**_Peeta: I’m sure you look beautiful._ **

**_Katniss: WHITE FAUX FUR STOLES, PEETA!_ **

**_Peeta: You said that was only for the outdoor photos._ **

**_Katniss: UGH!!!!!!!_ **

_I chuckle as I finish getting ready for Haymitch and Effie’s wedding and head to the Gardens. Supposedly there will be some light snow, something I’m sure Effie will appreciate with the Christmas aesthetic she was hoping for. I pull into the already half-full parking lot about 25 minutes before the ceremony begins. I grab a program before heading into the atrium the ceremony will be held in from a man I recognize as Flavius._

_Hundreds of white Christmas lights and red, gold, and green poinsettias adorn the space. A large evergreen tree is the center with spray painted white accents. Marking each row is what appears to be a tree stump. Sitting on top are holly, ivy, and cranberries in glass jars with white candles lit in the middle._

_“When they said Christmas wedding, I was not expecting this level of class,” a voice murmurs in my ear. I turn and am greeted by Delly with a hug._

_“It’s Effie, would you expect anything less?”_

_We sit down in one of the middle rows towards the aisle._

_“You look beautiful by the way,” I compliment. She is wearing a velvet long-sleeved blue dress that comes up to her knees with silver stilettos._

_“Wait until you see Katniss and Prim.”_

_“I’ve already heard about the stole.”_

_“Prim’s boobs look fantastic.”_

_“Thinking about Prim’s boobs weirds me out,” I cringe._

_“Prim looks tame compared to the slit on Katniss’s dress.”_

_“What?”_

_“Yeah, she was freaking out.” She pulls up a photo and hands it to me._

_My eyes widen. The photo is a close-up of Katniss’s beautiful olive leg, the slit going up into the upper thigh._

_Delly takes her phone back. “I know. I’m straight but even I’m going to be fantasizing about her all night.”_

_A violin quartet appears strumming “White Christmas.” Haymitch and Prim appear through a door towards the front, standing in front of the Christmas tree. Haymitch has cleaned up well, donning a white tuxedo with a red tie. Prim is in a dark red, floor length off-the-shoulder gown that I cringe to admit does flatter her chest._

_The music changes to “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.” We all stand and turn towards the entrance. Effie comes out in a long-sleeved, crystal beaded gown. In lieu of a veil she has a large fur-like robe with the hood up. Katniss follows behind, adjusting what must be a ten-foot-long train. My jaw drops when I see her._

_Delly elbows me whispering, “Told you.” She is wearing a hunter-green floor length dress. The dress has a lacy scoop neck with lace sleeves that reach down her arms. Delly was not exaggerating about the high slit. When she gets near, she crouches down to adjust the train, her beautiful thigh on display. Jesus Christ, it’s high._

_“Oh, I need to hit that,” some frat-boy looking asshole mutters in front of me to the person next to him. I break my stare at Katniss and glare, causing him to look away._

_As extravagant as the ceremony is, it goes by rather quick. Before we know it, the officiant is holding up mistletoe saying that Haymitch may now kiss Effie. Surprisingly Prim and Effie hold it together well. Haymitch is the first to cry and when they kiss Katniss discreetly wipes away a tear. Following Haymitch and Effie, Prim and Katniss loop arms dismissing people row-by-row._

_They approach the row in front of us and I find Frat-Asshat staring at her. I’ll have to keep my eye on him the rest of the night. Katniss blushes when Delly tells her how beautiful she looks. I bend down to kiss her on the cheek before making my way out and greeting Haymitch with an awkward handshake-hug and a full-blown hug to Effie._

_We head into the reception hall which looks as beautiful as the atrium. Mini Christmas trees act as centerpieces while an even bigger Christmas tree sits behind a table for two, where Haymitch and Effie will be sitting. Delly and I look towards the table with the seating assignments. Delly and I are both towards the front and center with Katniss and Prim having requested us as their “dates” as well as Effie’s parents and a couple named Cinna who designed the dresses, and Portia who created the aesthetic and décor. Delly was freaking out because Cinna is a huge name in the fashion industry apparently._

_The place settings are adorned with bits of mistletoe and a tiny note that says, “Spread love this Christmas.” Delly gushes before lightly kissing my cheek and rubbing it to ensure there isn’t a lipstick smudge. A server is passing around hot hors d’oeuvres while another three are passing around signature cocktails. I’ve enjoyed the hot-buttered rum and eggnog shooter when Delly spots the Christmas sangria. I’m closer so I head over when I overhear frat-boy talking._

_“There’s no way she’s wearing anything underneath that dress. $50 bucks says I find out later.”_

_I start trudging my way over when I accidentally bump into a beautiful woman about Effie’s age._

_“I’m so sorry.”_

_“It’s fine. Are you Peeta?”_

_“Uh?”_

_“Portia. I believe we are seatmates…. The girls have told me a lot about you. Come, let’s go look at the cake you designed.” I continue glaring at frat-boy when, Portia hooks her arm in mine leading me over to the four-tier cake, fondant poinsettias and outlines of snowflakes adorning it. While I didn’t make it or decorate it, I did create the concept that Effie took to the baker. I don’t have the kitchen space for something that elaborate. After looking over the cake, Portia releases me._

_“I didn’t want you killing Cato.”_

_“Who?”_

_“The misogynistic tool. He’s one of Effie’s second cousins. He’s also a dumbass freshman in college, all bark and no bite.”_

_I reach to grab Delly’s sangria off another tray when an olive-hand pulls it out of my hand and takes a large gulp._

_“Is this over yet?”_

_“I saw you crying, you secretly love this,” I tease._

_“I love Effie and Haymitch.”_

_“You look radiant by the way. Pictures all done?”_

_“The outdoor ones. I’m going to go check this stupid thing,” indicating her stole. We meet back at the table as an announcement is made overhead indicating the bride and groom’s arrival. They sit at their sweetheart table as the first course, a butternut squash soup arrives. Katniss looks as she is about to inhale it before showing restraint._

_“Don’t want to ruin this dress,” Katniss says._

_“Cinna, the outfits are gorgeous!” Delly squeals._

_“Thank you, but it’s these exquisite beauties that make the dress,” Cinna says._

_“Here, here,” I chime in lifting my glass._

_“I’m just glad I don’t have to get dolled up to the max anytime soon,” Katniss adds._

_“Um…. about that,” I start._

_“What?” Katniss asks._

_“I just received the wedding invites for Graham and Lucinda’s wedding in June. It’s a black tie-affair.”_

_“Damn it, Peeta,” Katniss whines before standing up to go grab more alcohol I assume._

_“Graham and Lucinda? Where have I heard those names? Where and when is the wedding being held?” Portia questions._

_“Um, Chicago, in June.”_

_Recognition dawns on her face._

_“Yeah, to answer your next question, I’m a part of that Mellark family. Graham’s my brother.”_

_“Ah, okay. One of our offices is in Chicago. We received a request from Serena, who is?”_

_“My mother,” I grumble._

_“She looks down on us for being teachers,” Delly adds while I glare at her. “What? I said us. I’m sure I’ll get crap too from what Rye says.”_

_“You’re attending the wedding as well?” Cinna asks._

_“Yeah, I’m dating his brother,” Delly responds._

_“Well, I had to turn down Serena’s request, simply not enough time. Black-tie, you say? Where is the venue?” Cinna asks with interest._

_“The Arena on the Lake.”_

_He tilts his head to the side. “How many guests?”_

_“400,” Delly responds. “I was talking to Lucinda about it.”_

_“Bridesmaids colors?”_

_“Mint green.”_

_“You’re favorite color, Delly?”_

_“Um, yellow,” she answers._

_“Very fitting for you. What about Katniss?” He’s directed his attention towards me._

_“The color she’s in now.”_

_“Oh, we don’t want that in the same color. What is yours, Peeta?” Cinna inquires._

_“Orange, but not like the fruit. Soft, like a sunset.”_

_“They are beautiful, aren’t they? Perhaps fading in to a purple ombre style?” he asks Portia who nods. “Delly, here is my card. I will be around for a couple of days. I’ll need to get your size.”_

_“You heard me say I’m a teacher; right?” Delly accepts the card hesitantly._

_“I’m currently working on my spring designs. I’m always looking for muses. You and Katniss can be that, I create the dress you wear, then it is returned to me for my runway collection. Sound good?”_

_“Hell yes,” Delly screeches before running to the other side of the table to hug both of them._

_Katniss returns, looking confused at the situation._

_“Cinna is creating Delly’s and your gowns for the wedding and don’t think about arguing because you know that you’ll lose. An equal arrangement has been made,” Portia affirms._

_The entrees and desserts arrive and when we are all done eating before the cake is cut, a microphone is passed to Prim who shares her favorite memory with Haymitch (the Papa Smurf one) as well as a tale of the first time she was introduced to Effie. The bride and groom are laughing before the microphone is passed to Katniss._

_She inhales deeply, clutching the notecards for dear life. “Um, I’m Katniss, Haymitch’s goddaughter, er, one of them.” I reach out for her shaking hand to steady her and she decides to put the notecards down._

_“When I was 12, Prim and I lost our father and things were hard. Haymitch stepped in when he was needed, and I’m incredibly grateful for that. Prim was young still and my mom worked a lot. Haymitch made it a point to be at our science fairs, ballet recitals, spring plays, and volleyball games. When I was 18, our mother died. Before that, I had gone through something difficult…. Haymitch, did exactly what he was supposed to for Prim, giving her the love and affection she needed. I know, Haymitch, loving and affectionate?” People around us laugh._

_“What to do with me was a different story. I was so numb within and everyone wanted to help and fix it, like most men. Haymitch didn’t do that. He let me grieve my own way for the longest time, and when too much time had passed, he gave me a rude awakening in the form of a bucket of water before forcing me to go outside on a snowy day. I was freezing and mad. Then something happened; I started screaming at him. He just let me scream in his face, scream to the world, and I smashed all his ceramic garden geese against the garage.”_

_“When I was done, he took me back in the house and told me that I deserved happiness but that the only way it would happen is if I allowed myself to feel. Haymitch and I drove each other crazy, but I always knew he cared and that he would never leave me of his own free will. He would challenge, love, and anger me. Sweetheart is his most annoying insult but also my favorite endearment. I remember how nervous he was to introduce us to Effie. We hadn’t yet connected the pieces that they were each other’s first love in high school. I’ll never forget his grumbling on the way home when he stopped by my workplace and realized that Effie Trinket was my boss. Eventually, he thought he was being subtle when he asked what she was like or how she was doing. Finally, I told him to shut up and just ask her on a date already. He yelled at me for my smart mouth before slamming my door. Effie then told me the next day at work that she had a date with Haymitch that evening and wanted to make sure it was okay with me and that she’d treat our new personal relationship with discretion while at work. When Haymitch told me he was hesitant to propose, I told him what he once told me, that he deserved happiness.”_

_Katniss smiles, “We can all see how you two drive each other nuts, but we all see that happiness too. I speak for both Prim and I when I say I love you two very much and welcome officially to the dysfunctional Abernathy-Everdeen family.”_

_Prim is dabbing her eyes, Delly is sniffling, Effie’s straight-up crying, and Haymitch approaches the table to hug and kiss his two girls._

_Eventually the cake is cut, and everyone watches the couple have their first dance which is to “The Flame” by The Cure._

_“Nice speech,” I remark to Katniss._

_“Shut up,” she says with a shove to my shoulder._

_I wrap my arm around her before teasing, “I didn’t take you for the touchy-feely type.” I’m rewarded with a punch to the shoulder before she leans in. After the first dance, everyone is invited to the floor. Katniss looks for Prim before Prim runs past, Delly in tow._

_“You can dance with Peeta,” she shouts from ahead._

_“I guess you’re dancing with Peeta,” I tell her._

_“You’re the smart-ass this evening,” she grunts before grabbing my hand and pulling me on the dance floor._

_Katniss continues to hold my hand while putting her hand on my shoulder. “Every Breath You Take” by the Police begins to play causing me to laugh. I position my hand on her waist._

_“This song is about stalking someone,” I continue laughing._

_“It was the first song they ever danced to at some middle school dance,” she says with an eye-roll._

_“Speaking of middle school, that’s what we look like with how far away we are. Come on now,” I pull her much closer. “You know I don’t bite.”_

_“But I do.” We both look at each other and laugh. We sway slowly to the music, Katniss leaning in closer and setting her chin on my shoulder, her heels adding to her height._

_“Since you’ve gone, I’ve been lost without a trace,” Katniss sings softly in my ear. “I dream at night I can only see your face. I look around but it’s you I can’t replace. I feel so cold and I long for your embrace. I keep crying baby, baby please.” My hand flexes along her back._

_“I love it when you sing.”_

_“Yeah, yeah, I’ll stop.”_

_“Please don’t.” I look down at her. “You have the kind of voice that could make the birds stop to listen.”_

_“When have you heard me sing?”_

_“Shower. You would also sing when you were getting ready.”_

_We’re both quiet after that continuing our sway until the photographer comes up and snaps our photo, commanding us for different poses._

_I spend the night changing dance partners, sharing myself between Katniss, Prim, and Delly. Everyone is laughing and dancing ridiculously, the alcohol decreasing inhibitions. I excuse myself to use the bathroom and when I come out one song ends and a slow one begins. Katniss is standing off to the side when Frat-Boy saddles up to her. I make a beeline for her as he pulls out the mistletoe. I rip it out of his hand and step in front of Katniss._

_“Thanks, buddy,” I say before holding it over our heads with one hand and cupping her cheek with the next. I lean in and kiss her causing her to gasp in my mouth and causing me to smile against her lips. There is no movement, but I hold her in place for about ten seconds before pulling back._

_Katniss looks up at me and grins before looking over at Cato and back to me._

_“There you are, baby,” she coos setting a hand on my chest before suggesting we head to the dance floor. I wrap my arms around her while she laughs into my chest._

_The night comes to an end and I give Prim my keys while Katniss looks for her shoes. They somehow ended up under the table. She looks pained as she puts them back on._

_“Feet hurt?”_

_“What makes you think that?” she grimaces walking slowly out the door. The ground is a little slick from the snowfall._

_“That’s a yes.” I scoop her up and carry her to my car and help her in the backseat despite her protests since Prim is riding shotgun._

_“I’m starving,” Prim whines._

_“I’ve got cranberry-orange bread in my kitchen.”_

_“You’re the best, Peeta!” Katniss exclaims._

A knock on the door jolts me out of my daydream. I’m greeted by a familiar set of blue eyes.

“Prim?”

“Hi, Peeta,” she greets without a smile.

“What are you doing here?”

“I was able to get a quick trip in to visit Haymitch and Effie,” she answers shortly.

“Oh.”

“Can I come in?” It doesn’t sound like a question.

“Of course. Um, are you hungry or--”

“No, I already ate,” she cuts off. “Huh,” she grunts, looking like she is sizing me up before sitting on my couch. “Your behavior proves it. Something happened between you and Katniss?”

“What behavior?”

“You look scared shitless.” My silence is her answer.

“What did Katniss say?”

“Katniss didn’t say anything. That’s the problem. All her letters are blah. I know when something is not right. I was able to get in one phone call with her the last couple of months. She had half an hour to make her calls and I said that I’d better let her go so that she could call you and she said that she only wanted to talk to me and the tone in her voice changed. So, what happened?”

I exhale slowly. “It’s something you should talk to Katniss about.”

“Don’t give me that bullshit,” she replies firmly. “She is my sister, she never tells anyone anything, but I know that something is off and that something has to do with you. Don’t fight me, Peeta, you know I will always win. There must be something –”

I interrupt with a voice louder than I intend, “She told me she was in love with me.”

“What did you say?”

“Not what she wanted to hear,” I grumble. “Wait…. why don’t you sound surprised by that confession?”

“Please, Peeta. Anyone with eyes could see it. So, you told her that you don’t feel that way?”

“Yeah and –,” I close my eyes before saying, “I—I broke her heart.”

“How do you mean? Like you let her down gently and she didn’t respond well?”

“There was nothing gentle about what I did.” Before I know it, I’m relaying to her what happened both nights, ashamed when I get to the part about finding her offer letter.

“Peeta, why would you do that?”

“She wasn’t going to go, Prim.”

“You can’t know that. You never brought it up,” she argues.

“All that was going through my head was that conversation we had years ago, the one about her turning down going elsewhere for college.”

“These are two very different set of circumstances, Peeta,” she scolds.

“If I could take it back, I would,” I resign.

“Do you love her, not like a friend loves a friend, are you IN love with her.”

I look up and shut my eyes before turning around.

“Peeta,” she demands.

“I’m not answering that, Prim.”

“Why?”

“Because when I’m not a coward and finally say those words out loud, it’s going to be to Katniss. Not you or anyone else.”

There is silence for what feels like forever, the weight of what I’ve said bearing down on her.

“Well, you could just write her and explain,” she suggests.

I shake my head before heading to my kitchen and pulling out a stack of envelopes from a drawer. I place them on the couch beside Prim. She picks up the stack of letters, all unopened and returned to me, the sender.

Prim’s eyes soften. “I could tell her to make sure she reads any letters that come from you.”

“She’s been manipulated enough, Prim.”

She nods her head in understanding. “Well, when she gets back, you’re going to have to grovel and fight like hell to win her back.”

“I’m not going to do that.”

“Why?”

I pull something off the coffee table and hand it to her. It was the cause of my breakdown two days ago and it came in the form of a newsletter from Panem Botanical Gardens that’s sent to its members.

On the front page was a picture of Katniss, showing more glowing olive skin than I’ve ever seen, confident and breathtaking in a tropical paradise. Standing beside her is the man with the body of a god, all bronze skin with one side of his eight pack abs covered with a large tattoo of a pirate ship. He’s leaning into her, delicately placing a large, tropical flower into her wind-blown, raven hair.

I glance back up. “Because she’s met someone,” I reply.

Prim studies the picture. “That’s just Finnick Odair. He’s like her partner or something. I’m sure it’s just for publicity since he’s a big-shot marine biologist who went viral for that video of him getting bit by a shark and punching it in eye when he was filming something for shark week.”

“I’ve already looked him up, Prim. Look at the next page,” I direct.

What surprised me the most in the newsletter is the photo on the inside. Katniss is squeezing her eyes shut, smiling brilliantly while the beautiful man is kissing her on the cheek, holding up a violet flower to her chin. It’s not a fake smile, but a real one. I’ve known her long enough to tell the difference.

And it hurts so much more because I know this smile, and so does Prim. It’s the one Katniss previously reserved just for me.

“Oh,” she says softly.

“Yeah.”

Prim’s silence says it all.

Katniss has moved on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shannon, my darling beta, you are the best!!!!
> 
> This is the last chapter that will contain previous material from the first time around. Get ready for new surprises!!!
> 
> Hopefully not too long on the next chapter. I am an accountant heading into tax season! I think the next few chapters will be shorter. This sucker came in at 20 pages long!
> 
> Thank you again for reading.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new year is approaching and Peeta reflects on the past....while Katniss thinks of her future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized I messed up my flashback timeline. Haymitch and Effie's wedding was December of 2018, making them 26. I made a big spreadsheet to keep a better track!

**_Flashback December 2017- 25 years old_ **

_“Why can’t we just stay in?” Katniss whines over the phone._

_“We’re hermits, dear. We told Pollux we would be there.”_

_Pollux, one of our mutual friends, has a humongous home in the countryside. The basement is finished with a couch that can seat 12 with an additional room with an air hockey table and pinball machines. There is a spacious deck with a hot tub. I stopped counting bedrooms after 4. He has the largest TV I’ve ever seen in his living room. There will be catered food, an abundance of liquor, and a DJ._

_“Damn it. I can’t say no to his sweet face.”_

_“I’m entering your apartment at 8:45 on the dot.”_

_“Fine,” she huffs causing me to smile._

_When it’s time to get ready, I put in a bit of extra consideration in my appearance for the evening. I’ve spent the last couple of New Year’s on Madge’s arm at stuffy parties with people I didn’t know. I was the dutiful fiancé, there to offer support and humor when needed. I’m glad that I no longer need to play a part in Madge’s political game._

_No, tonight is going to be great. I’m spending the evening with my favorite person in the whole world, even if she is reluctant to come. Her counterproposal of pajamas, pizza, liquor straight from the bottle, and a Twilight Zone marathon was extremely tempting. Those are my favorite nights with my girl…. wait, my girl? I shake my head and move to my closet pulling out my black suit. I decide to go with a light blue dress shirt. Katniss told me on Thanksgiving that it brought out my eyes. I halt my movements before putting it on. Something feels different about tonight…..I shrug it off and finish getting dressed._

_8:45 comes and I knock loudly and enter Katniss’s apartment without waiting for an answer. I warned her. I hear a blow dryer running and I walk down the hallway, into her bedroom, and announce myself before moving towards the bathroom. The blow dryer shuts off and Katniss pokes her head out of the bathroom._

_She smiles, “Hey. I just need a few more minutes.”_

_“8:45,” I remind._

_“You said you were entering my apartment, not that I had to be ready.”_

_Katniss is in white plush robe and she is brushing her hair. She is absolutely stunning._

_“Now that is a beautiful outfit.”_

_“Shut up.” She bends down to flip her hair back arranging the waves into a high ponytail, smoothing the crown. She fluffs her hair before coating it in hairspray._

_“What are you staring at?” Katniss looks me in the eye through the mirror._

_“Maybe I like watching you get ready.”_

_“Stalker,” she teases pulling out an eyeshadow palette and setting it on the sink before kneeling on the floor looking through one of the drawers. I grab the palette recognizing it as Madge’s favorite._

_“Going all out and Naked tonight too?”_

_“What?” she sputters looking up._

_I turn the palette towards her. I shrug and put it back on the sink._

_“Something wrong with it?”_

_“Nope,” I answer shortly._

_She squints her eyes at me before scowling. “What’s wrong?”_

_“It’s stupid.” She twirls her fingers in the air, silently prompting me to continue, “Madge’s favorite.”_

_“Oh.” She picks it up and puts it back in the drawer pulling out a pink one called Modern Renaissance._

_“This one?” she asks._

_“Madge said it was overrated,” I answer sheepishly._

_“Well, Madge was wrong…. This is Prim’s absolute favorite. She got it for me for Christmas. I was going to go for something darker, but I think we’ll go with the golds and browns._

_“You really don’t have to, Katniss.”_

_“Nonsense, perfect time to break her out.” I open my mouth to protest. “Zip it,” she gestures. “We are going into the new year free of that baggage with our clean slate.”_

_“When did you become an optimist?”_

_She sighs, “Peeta, this doesn’t happen often. Appreciate it while you can. Are you just going to stand there or what?”_

_“Maybe.”_

_“Fine then.”_

_“What’s with the get-up anyway? I didn’t even know you owned this much makeup.”_

_“I just felt like it.” I wait for her to elaborate. “It’s a party, people get dressed up to look nice.”_

_“You always look nice.”_

_“Nice….” she parrots blending shadow into her crease._

_“Nice, an adjective. Other synonyms include adorable-”_

_“What every girl wants to hear, adorable,” she interrupts._

_“What’s wrong with adorable?”_

_“Nothing! Thank you for the compliment and English lesson, Mr. Mellark. I’ll get ready so much faster if you go back to the living room and quit distracting me.”_

_“Fine,” I relent, wracking my brain trying to figure out what I could have said to offend her._

_After 15 minutes, I hear her shut her bedroom door. A few more minutes go by and I hear the door open accompanied by a clattering of heels down the hallway. I glance up and am rendered speechless. She’s wearing a ¾ sleeve textured satin black dress with a ruffled hemline just above her knees. The dress is a little edgy for her but tonight there will be woman baring far more skin than she. It’s perfect. She has on fishnet stockings and heeled black boots that come up to just under her knee. She is holding her hand behind her neck. She says something but I’m so lost in her beauty that I don’t say anything for 30 seconds._

_“Sorry, what?”_

_“Can you tie this? The bow looks dumb when I tried doing it myself.”_

_I nod while she turns around after giving me a smile. “I also could use some help with the zipper.”_

_She lets the ties for what will be the bow go, baring her back. The bow will cover most of her back but the fact that she’s even baring anything at all is amazing. I’ve only seen her bare this much skin to me once. I take a few moments to appreciate her beautiful skin, remembering her request when she shifts to her other leg._

_I clear my throat and direct my gaze down. Down towards the zipper I can see she’s wearing navy blue panties with a lace trim causing a quick intake of breath on my part and my cock to stir to life. I shut my eyes tightly and take a deep breath._

_“Something wrong?” she asks turning her head around._

_“Fine,” I reply, my voice slightly cracking. She’s your best friend. Stop being a pervert. “I just couldn’t find the zip.” My god, I sound like a moron._

_“Well, it is a hidden zipper,” she laughs. Has her voice always been this sexy?_

_I move the zipper up, it ending just above her solid black bra clasp. My hands graze it as I fasten the eyelet at a turtle’s pace. Jesus Christ, Peeta. Get a damn grip. I allow myself to ghost my fingertips up her back while tying the bow._

_Why the hell am I so flustered? It’s Katniss, my best friend….. my ridiculously beautiful best friend. It’s got to be the fact that I haven’t gotten laid in almost a year._

_“Shall we?” she asks rather upbeat. We head out the door and walk down the hall towards the elevator. We’re quiet the whole way down._

_We uber to Pollux’s house. It’s about a twenty-minute ride and I’m increasingly aware of Katniss’s presence glancing down at her fishnet cladded thigh where her dress has ridden up a little. I nearly bite my fist when she crosses her leg over the other. I pull at the collar of my shirt before asking the driver if I can crack the window._

_“Are you okay?”_

_“It’s just warm.”_

_“Hmmmm,” she smiles almost as if to herself. Like she knows the kind of effect she’s having on me._

_When we arrive, Pollux greets Katniss with a hug and a kiss to the cheek and me a slap on the back before signing “hello” and “Happy New Year.” He gestures down the hall which I am assuming is where we will put our coats. The first room on the right is one of the bedrooms with a stack of coats on the bed._

_“Help me with my coat?” Katniss asks._

_“Um...sure.” I ease her arms out of it before she turns around._

_“Thanks,” she says while touching my arm giving me a shy smile. She’s acting weird. Not that I mind doing any of these things for her but whenever I try, she scowls at me._

_I clear my throat, “Shall we go get a drink?” I offer her my elbow which she surprisingly accepts whilst giving me the biggest smile. She is breathtaking. My cock begins to stir again. I need to get a drink and calm down._

_We head over to the kitchen where there is a large assortment of liquor. Someone tips their head and lets us know that the beer and wine are outside. It being Wisconsin and there being a potential lack of fridge space, this makes sense._

_I head out to grab a beer while Katniss peruses the liquor selections._

_“Do you want anything?” I ask as I open the door, my eyes still trained on hers._

_“Nah. I’m feeling adventurous tonight,” she says with a wink and flirtatiously?_

_“You sure?” I ask one final time. She waves her hand. I open the door to the deck. There’s a chill in the air. I turn around, staring through the window at Katniss when I collide with something causing a yelp and instinctively reach out grasping a set of hips._

_“Shit, I am so sorry.” I look the blonde up and down to make sure I didn’t hurt her or anything._

_“No wine spilled, so no harm, no foul,” she brushes off with a laugh._

_“Well, we can’t waste alcohol in this state now can we. Must be a law?”_

_The woman laughs before looking me up and down. I take the opportunity to do the same. The only way to describe her would be vixen. From head to toe she is the typical definition of sexiness. She has wavy blonde hair that flows down her back, bright blue eyes lined with black eyeliner, full lips painted in red and a sparkling gold dress that put her breasts on full display. The hemline is short showing off her long legs. In her high stilettos she’s only about an inch shorter than me._

_She pokes her tongue out of her mouth and licks her lips. She says something, her name I’m assuming since she’s reaching out her hand._

_“Um…Peeta.” I say taking hold of it. There’s a twinkle in her eye before she lets go of my hand and walks past me before adding, “Maybe I’ll see you at midnight?”_

_I can do nothing but nod my head. The cool breeze welcomes me as I take a deep breath. Yep, definitely been too long since I’ve had sex. Katniss was flirty, Blondie was flirty, maybe even Pollux seemed flirty? I haven’t thought of dating in months, don’t really want to if we’re being honest but I’m getting tired of my right hand being the only thing that grabs my dick._

_I take another deep breath before grabbing a beer and heading back inside. Katniss is still where I left her but she’s talking with some redhead that I recognize as Darius. He’s a police officer and often is on duty when our school has events._

_“I never would have believed little Kitty-Kat would grow up into a beautiful woman,” he teases._

_She rolls her eyes before seeing me and giving me the silent plea of “help me.”_

_I move to her side and put my hand around her waist before introducing myself. “We haven’t officially met. I’m Peeta.”_

_“Darius. I’ve seen you around. District 12; right?”_

_“Yeah. And how do you know Kitty-Kat here?”_

_“I’ve known her since she was 16 and I caught her trespassing on Father Snow’s property. He said someone was destroying his precious rosebushes,” he laughs._

_“I was running late for school and I didn’t touch his damn roses,” she asserts snuggling in closer to my side._

_Darius takes notice of the movement and he glances back towards my face causing me to tighten my hold around Katniss._

_“He wouldn’t let her leave until I arrived.”_

_“Yeah, and you should have arrested him for holding me against my will,” she barks._

_“I told you that I brought the incident up to Cray. He said we had to let it go,” he reiterates to Katniss seriously._

_Sensing some tension, I decide to lighten the mood. “Why do you call her Kitty-Kat?” It’s not an unusual name for people to call her but it doesn’t seem typical for meeting someone once._

_“I busted her at multiple parties, and she would always slink away, like a cat, before we could get to her. One time, Cray was alone, and he chased after her, but he got lost in the woods.”_

_“You can’t prove that” she bites back._

_“Katniss, I really could care less what a bunch of teenagers were doing on a Saturday night. I just responded to the call.” He looks at me before adding, “It was at this place the kids would call the Slag Heap, hidden between a corn field and the woods. No one ever drove drunk. When we did the breathalyzer there were always enough sober kids to drive everyone home. Most times they would just pass out in the field though. And I never confirmed it was you. I loved teasing her about it when she was old enough to be in the bar.”_

_I laugh at his story._

_“Are you Katniss’s date?” he asks, his tone being a mix of genuine curiosity to “I hope not.”_

_Katniss looks up at me another silent plea._

_“We’re just friends,” I answer. One of us should be getting some and despite the abrasiveness, Katniss hasn’t completely chewed his head off since we are all still standing here._

_She takes a deep breath and excuses herself to grab a beer. Darius and I continue talking about the basketball game a couple weeks ago where an all-out brawl began in the stands between our team’s rivals, the Jabberjays._

_I go in search of Katniss since she hasn’t returned and I spot her leaning against the railing, peeling the label off her bottle and join her at her side on the deck._

_“What happened to adventure tonight?” I shove my shoulder beside hers._

_“Eh……. Had to make my escape. I’m good at it after all” she jokes causing us both to laugh before a period of silence._

_“Cause lord knows you flirt back with someone interested.”_

_She darts her eyes to mine quickly before shaking her head. “Why even bother?”_

_“Because something good could come out of it.”  
  
_

_“Like a relationship?”_

_“Or a good fuck, even just for the night.”_

_She chokes on her beer. “Are you advising me to have a one-night-stand?”_

_“No,” I answer too quickly. That is not what I want at all. I don’t know why I even mentioned finding a good fuck to her. Thinking of someone else getting to kiss her, caress her skin makes me feel nauseous. Why, I don’t know._

_“I don’t know. Just a thought,” I add to deter suspicion._

_“Well, what about you Mr. Monogamy?” she jokes._

_“Is that my nickname?” I question soberly._

_“It was just a joke.” She puts one hand on my shoulder. While staring straight ahead, she tilts my chin down and towards her._

_“Not wrong though. All those great college stories people have about waking up next to someone they don’t know and sneaking out before the other wakes up……. not me. Look where that got me.” I lean my elbow against the railing and turn my body inwards towards Katniss._

_“I guess we tie then,” she relents staring up into my eyes. Her stare makes me feel vulnerable as if I’m naked. I break the contact and turn forward._

_“So, what is our resolution going to be? Swear less?” I joke._

_“Fuck no,” Katniss says. “Make our own tea and hot chocolate so we don’t waste our money?”_

_“Getting to spend time with you at our favorite place is never a waste of money,” I reply causing her to smile._

_“Less carbohydrates? Your cheese buns are going to make me fat.”_

_I turn my head to her and state, “You’d still be hot.” This causes her to blush. “So, you might as well not torment yourself.”_

_“What happened to adorable?” she asks shyly._

_“What are you talking about?”_

_“Never mind.” She changes topics before I can understand what that was about. “Maybe I’ll switch to Little Debbie for the new year.”_

_“That’s it,” I shout while scooping Katniss up, lifting her in a heaving motion as if I’m going to throw her over the railing._

_“Peeta, put me down,” she whines. “You’re not going to throw me on the ground!”_

_“I’m sure you’ll land in a fluffy snowbank.”_

_She shrieks but it’s followed by laughter. One of the most beautiful sounds in the world._

_“Promise me,” I threaten._

_“Promise you what?”_

_“That you’ll never cheat on me with those shitty, processed snack cakes.”_

_“What if I don’t?” She asks, eyeing me playfully._

_Her nose is pink from the cold, I have my hand on her thigh, and my body starts to burn despite the fact that it’s 20 degrees outside._

_“One, two,” I adjust her higher and move closer to the railing._

_“Fine, fine,” she blurts out._   
  


_“I’m not putting you down until you say it.”_

_“What if I never say it? What if you’re stuck with me forever while we play this little game?”_

_I pause my movements. “There are worst games to play.”_

_We stare at each other in silence for what feels like a small eternity when we are interrupted by someone getting a drink. He gives me a nod after grabbing his beer as if to say, “carry on.”_

_Sensing awkwardness, Katniss relents, “I promise I will NEVER, EVER, cheat on you…. with baked goods.”_

_“I know you won’t.” I kiss her on the cheek before setting her down._

_We stare at each other, making what feels like silent promises to each other. As for what, that’s to be determined but I feel as if something has shifted. A tendril of hair has loosened from her ponytail and I tuck it behind her ear, causing her to inhale quickly. She grasps the collar of my jacket and tugs slightly, pulling me closer. My heart is pounding. She licks her lips._

_“Bring on the new year bitch!” a group of guys yell, dragging us out of what felt like an important moment. They have a funnel and are eying the keg._

_“Coach Dalton?” Katniss asks in disbelief._

_“Katniss Everdeen! How lovely to see you not serving a ball straight to my face,” a middle-aged tall man responds jovially. “Never saw a student who could serve like her….Then again, D10 kind of sucked.”_

_I’ve seen people mention her past volleyball talent to her and it always seems to make her freeze but this evening she is smiling._

_“They still do,” she adds causing more laughter on his part. He hands me an open bottle of Fireball while he reaches for the funnel. Katniss and I look on, trying not to laugh at the group of middle-aged men partying like they’re in college._

_“They are going to be so hungover tomorrow,” I laugh._

_“Fuck it,” Katniss says before bringing the bottle to her mouth and chugging three times. She hands the bottle to me. She nods her head and grins wickedly. I can’t say no to her._

_“Sure, fuck it,” I declare chugging four times._

_At that moment, my phone rings, and I see that it’s Rye. I send an apologetic look to Katniss while I answer and Katniss mouths that she’s heading inside. We talk for a little bit; he’s obviously trashed talking about how this is going to be our year and that we’re going to get so much pussy. I let him ramble, not really paying attention to what he says._

_I look towards the glass windows and spot Katniss talking to Mitchell, a handsome older gentleman who’s a member of the National Guard. I’m not sure what his normal occupation is but I know Katniss has mentioned seeing him at her archery range which is also a shooting range. The pit of my stomach drops a little when I see her throw her head back in laughter, her hand on his shoulder, his on her waist. She then grabs his other shoulder and leans her forehead on his chest while he kisses the crown of her head. The usual feeling of emptiness at surfaces. I must have been imagining whatever that was._

_“Care to help a girl with a refill,” the blonde from earlier purrs in my ear._

_Sex. It’s definitely the lack of sex in my life that’s causing me to imagine things. “After almost causing you to spill earlier, of course,” I say back. She has me hold her wine glass while she walks over to the bucket holding the chardonnay. She bends over giving me a perfect view of the swells of her ass before bringing the bottle back and pouring some into her glass. She trades me her bottle for the glass. I put the bottle with the other empty ones and look back at her._

_“Here by yourself?”_

_“Yeah….er, I’m with my girlfriend…er, friend that’s a girl.” She raises an eyebrow before I laugh “I’m usually much smoother than this.”_

_“I think you’re doing just fine,” she laughs placing her hand on my arm giving me a sense of déjà vu._

_“Well, it’s been a while,” I mutter. “Aren’t you cold?”_

_“You offering to keep me warm?”_

_I glance at my watch. “Five minutes to midnight,” I remind._

_“Then I guess we better go inside.” She gestures her head indoors. We head inside, a voice overhead yelling at us to come grab a champagne flute. I grab two and give her one causing her to laugh and set her wine on the end table._

_“I guess champagne at midnight is the tradition….as is the kiss.”_

_“Have someone in mind?” Where is this coming from? The alcohol must be making me brave._

_She takes a sip, her finger running across her chest settling at the apex of her cleavage. The 30 second countdown has begun, and everyone starts partnering up. The blonde starts to lean in when suddenly at “ten” a flurry of movement distracts me. I turn my head and see Katniss’s panicked face before she turns my body, grabs the lapel of my jacket, quickly whispering, “Darius wants to be my midnight kiss,” before slamming her lips to mine catching me off-guard._

_Katniss pulls herself back just as everyone is screaming “Happy New Year.” Katniss looks sideways and says “Crap, he’s still watching” before forcefully trying to pull my head back. I stay firm and I can see her starting to panic. I use my hand not holding the flute to cup her jaw before I lean in slowly, kissing her softly, her body tensing before relaxing. I move my lips against hers once, twice, three times before pulling away and smiling. It’s rather chaste compared to the people around us but it was sweet, tender, and for me, a perfect way to begin the new year._

_“Well done, you two,” Darius chimes in causing me to laugh._

_“Happy New Year, Katniss.”_

_“Happy New Year, Peeta,”_

_“Since I didn’t get the kiss, can I at least get a dance?” Darius barters. Mortification hits her and she squeaks out an apology and runs off, Darius chasing after her. I laugh, a feeling of happiness consuming me as I head down the hallway to use the bathroom. After I’m finished, I open the door to see the blonde vixen._

_“So that kiss was cute…. Darius never gives up, huh?”_

_“I guess not,” I laugh._

_“That’s really sweet of you to do,” she takes two steps closer to me, setting her perfectly manicured hand on my chest, her breath ghosting my ear, “but what you’re doing, or who you’re doing at midnight, sets the tone for the whole year.” She leans back and looks up at me. “I for one, think a kiss should be like this.”_

_She reaches and pulls my face down, soft lips moving aggressively against mine while she pulls me with her. One hand grabs her hip while the other braces for impact against the wall behind her. I give in because in this moment, it feels good and kiss back. My tongue begs for entrance as she pushes against me, guiding me into an empty room. I’m too distracted by her rubbing her hand against my bulge to take in my surroundings._

_I make a noise I can only think of as a growl and I continue to deepen the kiss. She breaks away, unzipping her dress at the side, letting it fall to the floor. She is wearing a lacy black bra, her large tits on display and the tiniest lacy black thong I’ve ever seen. She steps forward and reaches into her clutch for a condom before pulling my face down as she moves my jacket off. She begins unbuttoning my shirt rubbing her hands up and down my bare skin._

_I grab her hips and turn her around, forcing her to face the wall. She tugs on her panties when I growl, “Leave them on.” I know I should be stopping; this is all happening way too fast, but I’m just too pent up to care anymore and the alcohol isn’t hindering anything going on below the belt._

_I rip open the foil packet and sheath myself before moving her panties to the side and plunging myself inside her. She moves her hand to grab my head from behind, but I grab it forcing her palm to the wall._

_“I’m going to fuck you hard now,” I whisper, thrusting myself harder into her deeply causing us both to sigh. I put my other hand on hers pinning her to the wall as I pound into her again and again. In that moment, the only thing I am thinking of is my much-needed release, chasing the passion that Gale and Madge had when Katniss and I caught them fucking without abandon that night in March. I can tell I’m getting close, so I move my hand inside her panties and begin circling her clit. She starts to moan and pushes back, meeting me thrust for thrust. I increase the pressure until I feel her walls flutter around my cock. I continue to pound into her for another minute before I come, panting, my forehead damp. I pull out and look for a trash can or something to dispose of the condom._

_While I’m doing that, the blonde, whose name I don’t even know, gets dressed. She walks out the door, I’m assuming to get cleaned up. I quickly button my shirt and grab my jacket. I walk out of the room and walk down the hall to the room with the coats and sigh. While it felt amazing in the moment, I’m left feeling empty._

_“There you are.” Katniss exclaims startling me. “Whoa, what’s wrong?”_

_“Nothing,” I say looking away._

_“I was worried because I couldn’t find you. I caved and gave Darius his dance. It wasn’t so b--Why is your shirt buttoned weird?” she asks before I see the dawning of realization in her eyes._

_I quickly adjust and fasten the buttons. “What?” I ask sharply._

_“I didn’t say anything,” she answers softly looking down._

_“I’m not engaged anymore, I can do what I want,” I declare with a finality not sure why I’m being so defensive._

_“I know,” she says before looking up her lips in a tight line._

_I feel like such an ass. We were having such a good time this evening. “I was being a dick…sorry.”_

_“Nothing to be sorry for….” There is an awkward moment of silence before Katniss breaks, “So I was thinking that maybe we could go to The Dining Car.” The Dining Car is this little diner that looks like a train compartment. It is our favorite place to go after late nights, since breakfast always tastes best after a late night with drinking. I’m about to agree when the blonde pops in._

_“Just need to get my coat,” she says bending over right in front of Katniss making her visibly uncomfortable._

_“Got it,” she says, pulling out a beige trench coat with a plaid interior. She looks Katniss up and down before chiming, “No wonder Darius had his eye on you, you’re just adorable.”_

_Katniss takes a step back out of her way, shaking her head slightly, her head bent down._

_“Want to get out of here?” the blonde asks._

_I look to Katniss who mumbles “Have a good time,” before walking away._

_“Katniss-,” I begin._

_“It’s fine, I’ll find Mitchell. He offered a ride.”_

_Hearing his name makes me cringe and I decide to take Blondie up on her offer, hoping to continue chasing down the feeling I had earlier, however fleeting. We head to her apartment and fuck until dawn. I learn her name is Cashmere right before I leave when she plugs her number into my phone telling me we should do it again sometime. I don’t realize it yet, but she’ll be the first in a long line of shallow relationships, each making me feel a little less than the one before._

“Five minutes to midnight,” someone yells breaking me out of my daydream. Another new year celebration at Pollux’s house but this time I am spending it alone. I grab a champagne flute and head outside on to the deck. The couple that is outside rushes past me inside. I take a long drink of the dry champagne and rest my arms on the banister.

It’s happening more frequently, me looking at the past and seeing the signs. If I could go back in time, I would double punch myself in the face, hell, even in the balls for how dense I was. The makeup, the heels, the dress… Katniss asked if I would be the one to help her tie it. I know for a fact she could have zipped the dress up herself, she’s practically a contortionist.

The feeling of her skin as I pulled the zipper into place still haunts me.

After my jealousy that night and all the moments of sexual tension…….and that kiss. I could have just kept kissing her and she would have let me. It could have been the start of something real…Why did I have to leave with someone else?

“I’m so stupid,” I mutter to myself.

“Usually, I reserve Brainless for Katniss, but I guess you are more worthy of it, Bread Boy,” Joanna quips as she emerges.

She pulls out a cigarette before cupping her hand around the end to light it. She inhales and sighs.

“Whatcha thinking about? Past mistakes?” she asks. I glare while she adds with a chuckle, “Knowing Brainless she’s probably shying away from the festivities too.”

“Why do you call her Brainless? She’s one of the smartest people I know. You’ve told me how hard it is to get into that program, and she got in and has actually lasted.”

“Don’t get so defensive. Jeez you have it bad. I call her that because she’s brainless in matters of the heart……and the dick.”

I roll my eyes while she continues, “She’s just as protective of you, even though you’re an ass. I don’t know what you did but even she refused to give me the dirty details. When I started trashing you and wishing genital warts on you, she shoved me down an embankment while we were jogging. I almost sprained my fucking ankle.”

I continue being silent. Of course, Katniss would still be protective of me. Another reason I love her so much.

“The Cornucopians love spending holidays with us. They like our traditions….and since most of us are from different countries, they get a little of everything. The kids really love when we bring out the mistletoe or grab someone to kiss as the clock strikes twelve. Probably egging Katniss on…. Hell, Finnick is probably egging Katniss on.”

“That’s enough, Joanna,” Prim says firmly from behind us.

“You Everdeen women are such killjoys,” she mutters putting out her cigarette before stepping back inside.

“Don’t listen to her,” Prim says while patting my back.

“Why not? She’s right. Katniss is with Finnick. And with my past I can’t be mad at her for it.”

“No, you can’t…. but you can still feel jealous.”

“You of all people besides Katniss should want to punch me in the face the most.”

“I still don’t know all of what you did…. and I think even if I did, I would still love you because of how you care for her. You’ve been there for her through everything and I shudder to think what her life would be like without you in her corner.”

“She’d probably be better off.”

“No, she would have been settling. And she deserves far more than that in life.”

“Exactly, which is why she deserves so much more than me.”

“Wow, you really are a downer.”

“Shouldn’t you be in there finding a boy to kiss?” I gripe and gesture back inside.

“Nope, no boys,” she says before tilting her head to smirk as if holding a secret.

“What? What am I not getting?” I ask with a puzzled look on my face.

“You know how there’s things you have to tell Katniss before everyone else? The same goes for me, even though I know she won’t care.”

I look at her quizzically for a moment before realization hits and I nod my head.

“Any cute girls you want to go kiss?” I tease.

She points her finger at me as I laugh and I pull her into my side, kissing the top of her head.

“Hey, you’re not supposed to know my secrets,” she scolds mockingly.

“Nor you mine.”

“Well, you never actually said the words,” Prim points out.

“Neither did you.”

“Swear to secrecy,” she puts out her pinkie.

“Absolutely.” I interlock pinkies and keep her huddled to myself enjoying a moment of comfortable silence.

“What are you thinking about?” she asks.

“That stupid movie you chose for movie night. The one about that guy in the military and his girlfriend back home. How even though they are thousands of miles apart, they will always look up at the same moon.”

“Oh, my god, you’re such a softie,” she teases while smacking me in the chest.

We hear the scream of Happy New Year in the background and I glance down at Prim while she stands on her tiptoes to kiss my cheek.

“Happy New Year, Peeta.”

“You too, Little Duck.”

“I’ll leave you alone with your thoughts and the moon.” She heads back inside.

I roll my eyes before looking up, wondering even more about Katniss and how she’s doing a world away.

Cornucopia Islands

I’m walking along the beach, my bare feet sinking into the sand with every step while the water crashes around my ankles. There is a cool breeze, bringing a balance to the humidity. My loose hair keeps blowing into my face instead of away, like all those stupid movies show. I move the hair out of my face and look up at the moon, thinking of that stupid movie Prim forced on Peeta and I years ago. I smile to myself sadly. Since I left that night, I’ve only allowed myself to think about him briefly when someone mentions his name or when his letters arrived.

This New Year is drastically different than my previous. Different view, different people, different country. Rum punch in a coconut instead of champagne in a flute, sundresses and shorts instead of evening attire, a covered shack with the island band instead of a DJ in a country home. Not that these are necessarily Cornucopian traditions as much as they are the Victors and the Tributes contributions.

I continue to stare up and reflect.

**_Flashback December 2019 – 27 years old_ **

_This year, I am driving myself to Pollux’s having volunteered to work late so that I could avoid having to watch Peeta and whatever conquest he was going to conquer tonight. Last year, I just flat out lied to Peeta about my plans after the disastrous year before._

_I still can’t believe I bothered. That night was going to be the night I made a move. New Year’s was the perfect excuse for everything. I purposely made it so I wasn’t ready meaning he would see me pre-glam. I knew I should have backed out when he said I was adorable, and then when that blonde bimbo affirmed it._

_Ugh, I spent two hours in the department store picking out that dress and another hour selecting the fancy underwear that I knew only he would see, even if for only a few seconds. I was hoping towards the end of the night he’d see all of it. I didn’t want to go too sexy as that would seem suspicious. I also didn’t want to be obvious and choose black lace, hence choosing the navy blue with a little bit of lace and a solid black bra. I asked him to take the coat, touched him for no reason. Of course, how could I compare_ _to Sweater and her humongous puppies. There was the sexually charged moment on the deck before Coach Dalton and the guys with the bong came out. And I really thought when he had kissed me back that maybe, just maybe he could be on the same page, but alas, here I am two years later going to the same damn party by myself._

“There’s my girl on fire,” The peacock with the South African accent calls pulling me out of my reflection.

I roll my eyes, the nickname taking on a new life after an incident involving a roasting pig. It was in no way a jab at my scars. Finnick hadn’t even seen them yet as it was at our welcome celebration. He also doesn’t know that’s a nickname that’s been chasing me for years.

“I’ve told you not to call me that,” I call out.

“Fine, Tribute 12, then.”

That’s even more annoying. Five people from the United States are welcomed into the program joining other countries for a total of 24 applicants. Being an applicant and a first timer, we are “affectionately” referred to as Tributes. Quite a few people don’t last through the program, not being able to adapt to their new life. Now Finnick, he is a “Victor,” having successfully completed this program twice, this being his third year.

“What do you want Finnick?”

“Needed to find my bokkie before midnight,” he purrs traitorously with his South African accent.

“I’m not your bokkie,” I growl.

Finnick O’Dair is a bronze god of many. Even I can’t deny his beauty, but his constant flirting makes him unattractive. I don’t despise him but he’s one of those people who is aware of how attractive he is and that just annoys me. He’s always the center of attention and everything with him seems like an act or he makes it a joke.

“Don’t get your brokies in a knot.”

“Don’t talk about my brokies! “I bark out. I don’t need him or anyone talking about my underwear. “Some people cherish the quiet and like to ring in the New Year alone.”

“Was that a common occurrence for you, love?”

It wasn’t. I frown. Finnick catches it and says, “First year without that boy of yours?”

“How many times do I have to tell you there isn’t a boy of mine.”

“And those letters from a Peeta Mellark were junk mail? Sure, and there wasn’t a someone you were thinking about when we did those pictures.”

He loves to bring up that stupid photoshoot. The photographer was having issues getting a smile out of me that was genuine. Finnick told me to close my eyes and think about something happy. I thought of Prim and while it was better, it still wasn’t there, and he told me to think of something sinful. The idea just made me flush with embarrassment as the first thing that came to mind was when I walked in on Peeta naked, skin damp since he had just showered. I walked away before returning asking if we could just get it over with.

I thought of a normal night, at our normal bar, playing a normal game of foosball against our normal opponents. The game was close, but I rolled the ball in cinching a win. Peeta screamed in victory before taking my arms and wrapping them around his shoulders as he reached under my legs, hoisting me up, one hand remarkably close to my ass, my shirt riding up so that he was touching nothing but my bare skin as he ran around the bar with me. My eyes had been closed causing me to smile so wide that I forgot about the photographer clicking away before Finnick kissed me on the cheek holding a flower up to my neck. When I was dragged out of my happy memory, I turned around and pushed him off the dock into the water causing him to roar with laughter. Of course, that was the photo they used for the newsletter.

Sensing that my mood is less than ideal for a celebration, he changes topic and asks, “Do you have your token?”

A token is one of the customs here in the islands. On the mainland, they make these giant paper machete figures representing something. It could be a disease, a political figure, some bad omen. At midnight, they toss them in a humongous bonfire to cleanse the world or leave behind and begin the new year fresh.

Being stuck on the research island, we have a small fire in a pit on the beach.

The truth was I did have a token, in the form of a picture of Peeta and I.

“Just let me be, Finnick.”

He can tell that I do want to be left alone and relents. “If you change your mind come midnight and want to pucker up, let me know,” he says with a huge grin. I scowl until his back is turned. Only then do I allow myself to snort.

I continue my walk before turning around and heading back. People are sharing their tokens with each other. I pull mine out of my pocket. When I was packing, I pulled the photo of Peeta and I out of the frame and stuffed it into the front pocket of my suitcase. Tonight was the first night I allowed myself to look at it.

The picture is of me and him at his brother’s wedding. I was wearing the masterpiece that Cinna created. Delly did my hair and makeup. I looked nothing like myself. Peeta gave all the right compliments, but I felt like a fraud, similar to the way I had whenever I was trying to impress him. I remember when we got back home and I changed into my pajamas, Peeta commented, “There’s my girl.” I take in my surroundings and all my colleagues.

_“So, Katniss, can I reserve a kiss at the stroke of midnight?” I shut my eyes and sigh as Darius leans against the wall. I’m on my own. I haven’t even seen Peeta, but I got here with only an hour to spare._

_“Who may I guess is on that reservation?”_

_“Me and if you’d like that pretty blonde over there.”_

_“Does that ever work?”_

_“Not a chance.”_

_When I don’t say anything he adds, “I imagine the Everdeen lips are fully booked this year by one Peeta Mellark.”_

_I continue to look around the room, standing on my toes. I finally spot Peeta talking to an impossibly beautiful woman whose name is Roxy? Foxy Roxy, of fucking course._

_You know what? Not this year. Enough with the self-pity. I put some effort into my appearance, opting for a flare leg, sleeveless jumpsuit with a rouged neckline. I did a subtle smokey eye, if that’s even a thing, and a coat of gloss. I stuck with my signature braid, but I think I look nice, a classier version of myself. I have two-inch pumps to give me a little height._

_Maybe a kiss won’t be so bad since I’m on my way to being a fucking spinster. “If I say yes, you are NOT allowed to read more into it.”_

_Darius is shocked. “Holy shit are you for real?”_

_“One kiss, minor movement, no tongue. You push out your tongue and I put my knee in your groin.”_

_He nods his head multiple times that it’s almost comical. “Yes, ma’am.”_

_“Go away and find me at midnight…. or whatever.” I gesture away while I head outside to grab a beer. Since I’ve driven, I’m going to keep to one beer, and the champagne._

_I smile when I see a familiar face. “Hey Mitchell,” I greet with a big hug. I’m not a hugger but I have something special with the small group of people who helped me out of my funk after the accident. Boggs kicked my ass in physical therapy, Haymitch encouraged me to yell, and Mitchell took me to the archery range after he realized group therapy wasn’t my thing. He showed me how to use a handgun, but I preferred my bow and arrow. I laughed so much when I tried teaching him and then broke down because I felt guilty for enjoying myself._

_After we exchange the typical pleasantries, Mitchell tilts his head towards the house. I look and I see Peeta staring at us before downing a shot. I give a small wave and watch as he fills the shot glass and downs it again. Weird…. I shrug at Mitchell and he looks at his girlfriend Leeg and winks. Also, weird._

_We make small talk until someone lets us know it is three minutes to midnight. I head inside and everyone starts pairing up. It takes me a minute, but I spot Darius across the room and waive him over. He’s like a kid on Christmas morning fighting through the crowd._

_“15, 14, 13” the crowd yells._

_Darius is almost to me when Peeta swoops in cupping my face, smashing his lips to mine, tasting of vodka before I pull my head back._

_“What are you doing?” I ask in a daze._

_“I’m sorry,” he mumbles. “Know what? No, I’m not……. fuck it.”_

_“What-“ I’m cut off by his lips again, this time softer and less sloppy. His lips are moving against mine and I hesitate only briefly before moving with him. His tongue slowly passes through my lips joining my own in perfect synchronization. This is not my first kiss with Peeta Mellark yet it surpasses all the ones before. This is pure passion. I want to freeze this moment, right here, right now and live in it forever._

_He moves one hand to my waist, pulling me closer. The other hand moves lower on my jaw, the side with the scars and he moves his pinkie finger up and down over the uneven tissue. He’s touched me here twice, long ago and both overwhelmed me with vulnerability. In this moment, I want to bare everything to him as I run my fingers through his curls._

_I end the kiss to look in his eyes. They are glassy, with lust? We both are heaving. He runs his knuckles along my cheekbone while I smile. Suddenly his face changes, he covers his mouth, and runs outside. I follow him and hear him heaving over the railing._

_My eyes tear up, but I refuse to allow myself to cry with shame. Of course, he’s this drunk. He’s never kissed me like that and why would he now? I take a few deep breaths and return inside grabbing napkins._

_“Are you okay?” Darius asks, genuine concern in his eyes._

_“Fine,” I reply shortly before heading back outside._

_I think Peeta is done as there’s no more noise and he’s kind of slumped over. I pat him on the back, and he takes the napkin out of my hand._

_“Let’s go home,” I tell him._

_“Is that, that…. invitation thingy?”_

_“Jesus Christ,” I mumble to myself._

_Mr. Amazing with Words really is shitfaced. I put his arm around me, and we head back into the house. I direct him to the couch as I grab our coats. When I head back, I see his eyes shut. He’s fucking fallen asleep. I kick him in the leg._

_“Whaaaat,” he whines like a kid when a parent makes them get up for school._

_“Let’s get in the car.” I grab his hand and try to pull him up with little success._

_“Need help?” Darius asks. I nod and he leans down and hoists Peeta up, draping his arm around his shoulders. Peeta groans but cooperates as we head outside to my car. I unlock it and open the passenger door. Darius helps him in and buckles his seatbelt and shuts the door._

_“You’re good at that,” I say._

_“He’s much more cooperative than those I bust for a DUI.”_

_“Right,” I genuinely laugh. “Um, sorry he stole your kiss.”_

_“Maybe next time,” he says._

_“Maybe.” The silence becomes awkward. “Well, goodnight.” I turn around to head to the driver’s side._

_As I pull on the handle, Darius asks, “Would you want to go on a date some time?”_

_I sigh but he interrupts, “I know I tease you a lot, but I would really like to take you out to dinner some time.” I’m silent and he continues, “Or a movie, or a drink, or all of the above. Whatever you’d like?”_

_He seems so genuine, but I decline. At least he takes it well and leaves with a smile._

_Peeta is asleep while I drive us home. When we get to our complex, I shove his shoulder rather hard._

_“Ouch,” he whines._

_“Can you walk? We need to get you in bed.”_

_“Why didn’t you say so?” He opens the door and makes it, with my assistance, to the elevator. We ride up in silence and I use my key to open his door._

_“Go lay down,” I instruct. He listens. I fill up a large glass of water and head to the bathroom and grab some aspirin._

_I walk into the bedroom and he’s fumbling with his shirt buttons. It’d be comical if I hadn’t felt like I was insulted._

_I set the water and aspirin on his nightstand. “Here,” I move his hands and start unbuttoning his shirt for him._

_“Katniss Everdeen is finally undressing me,” he sings._

_“Your voice is terrible,” When I’m done, I ease it off him leaving him in his undertank. I then push his shoulders down to sit on the bed while I remove his shoes and socks._

_“Can you manage your pants?”_

_“Yes, ma’am,” he answers with a salute. I move over to his window and open it a small crack. It’s freezing but I know that’s what Peeta prefers. I go to his nightstand that holds his shirts and grab one. I don’t even bother with pants because getting him out of his current pair will be difficult enough._

_I turn around and he’s standing up. His shirt is off, and his pants are pooled around his ankles. I’m stunned for a moment, staring at his pecs, abs, and that sexy “v” shape us girls love so much. He’s about to lose his balance when I rush over to him and put one hand around his back, the other on his chest._

_“Sit before you fall over.” I push down on his shoulders until he’s sitting. I get on my knees to pull his ankles out._

_“Am I dreaming?”_

_“Why would you be dreaming?” I ask pulling the pants away and looking up. The stare he’s giving me right now is so intense and I’m instantly aroused._

_“You’re in my bedroom, I’m naked, and you’re on your knees.” I’m stunned. He’s thought about me? I’m secretly thrilled until he bursts out laughing. Of course._

_“Come on, let’s get under the covers now.”_

_“Okay.” He scoots himself up, having some issues getting under the blankets until I help him. I grab his trash can and pull it to the side of bed he sleeps on even though he has a California King. I pull two aspirin out of the bottle._

_“Hold out your hand,” I instruct. He does and pops the medicine in his mouth while I hand him the water. He takes enough but I hold the glass forcing him to drink the whole thing. He lays back and turns over on his side before I coerce him to turn the other way towards the trash can._

_He’s out within a minute. I take a last glance at him before shutting the light off and heading to my own apartment. I change for bed and enjoy a fitful night of sleep._

_The next morning, I text Peeta._

_Me: You okay?_

_Peeta: God no. I cant stop throwing up._

_Me: Need anything? Saltines?_

_He doesn’t respond and I decide to let myself in. I hear retching and head down the hall to his room. I knock and announce myself._

_“Do you have to be so loud,” he asks before heaving again._

_I go back to the kitchen and grab the Saltines and some ginger ale from the fridge before heading back to his room. He is still in his undressed state and is laying on top of his bed spread, one arm over his eyes._

_“How much do you remember?” I dread having to discuss the kiss._

_“I lost count after the 9 th shot.”_

_“Was that before or after I got there?”_

_He moves his arm away. “You were there. I thought you were working?”_

_“You don’t remember anything?”_

_“God no…. I didn’t make an ass out of myself, did I?”_

_He doesn’t even fucking remember. Of course. It’s like a giant slap in the face._

_“You threw up, but you made it outside first.”_

_“Anything else? Wait, did I-did we ki--”_

_“Darius helped get you in my car.” I loudly interrupt._

_“Okay, good…. You’re the best pal a guy could ask for.”_

_“If you need anything let me know,” I offer before heading back to my apartment slamming the door._

_I pace back and forth before grabbing my phone off the table._

_Me: So, about that date? Are you free next Friday?_

_Darius: Abso-fricken-lutely._

“One minute,” someone shouts.

“Don’t think, just do Girl on Fire,” Finnick shouts interrupting my thoughts, nodding to the picture I’ve been staring at.

Hundreds of moments flash before me. Peeta’s smug grin the night I met him……him holding me after a nightmare……him coldly rejecting me. Something was off about that night, about the way he acted. And why would he write me so many letters after? Maybe I should have kept one.

Everyone starts the countdown. I could spend an eternity dwelling on the night of rejection but it’s something I’ll face when I get home. For now, I’m in a beautiful paradise. Sure, it’s not like I’m sipping a Mai Tai on a beach chair every day. The work can be grueling, but it brings me so much satisfaction. I’ll never get this time back so I might as well make the most of it.

Fuck it……… I take a deep breath, shutting my eyes tight, and toss the photo in the fire. When I open my eyes and see the flames consume it, I begin walking and I shove two people aside. I’m not sure where my legs are taking me but as people begin shouting Happy New Year, I get my hands on the 8-packed prize.

“Kat---” I cut him off with my lips. I pull back staring him in the eye, daring him to challenge me before he cracks a smile. He attempts to cup my jaw before I grab it and place it on my waist, bringing his lips back to mine, the hand now on my waist tightening. Our kiss intensifies, tongues clashing, lips smacking, my hands gliding up and down his chest. I abruptly pull away leaving Finnick flabbergasted as I walk backwards with a smile before turning around and high-fiving Three.

As I reach my bunk, I laugh like a madwoman. “Fuck it,” I chuckle. I’ve got a long trek up to the Lightning Tree tomorrow and with that thought I fall asleep quickly with a smile on my lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do ya'll think of finally getting a POV from Katniss??? Will she open up to Finnick? Will there be a relationship? What will happen when it's time to return home? Is Peeta even capable of waiting for her? Who knows! Thanks for reading. You can find me on tumblr at nightlock-89


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